The subject is currently upstairs screaming at the top of her lungs. The subject appears to wildly vacillate between peaceful sleep and ear piercing screams. I've begun to wonder if the subject is experiencing intense nightmares that are waking her up. That would explain the inability of the subject to calm down when arising from sleep. The subject has also taken to waking up several times during the night to howl. We are not sure if she is attempting to turn into a werewolf or whether the screaming is because of the nightmares or some other unknown phenomenon.
The subject has lately begun smiling quite intently at sights that most people would regard as troublesome. Last night I held the subject at close range while S cried in the bathroom. Upon seeing S crying the subject broke into a large grin. The subject has been known to grin as well when either of the researchers is accidentally smacked in the face with one of her hands and recoils. We are not sure whether the subject doesn't understand social mores or whether she's a sociopath. Results are pending.
Question 3 from the All Souls challenge (As always, other responses are highly encouraged though not often received).
Are there too many accountants and auditors?
I'm entirely ill-equipped to answer this question. I'm also not sure how the answer to this question should relate to whether a person gets a fellowship for seven years or not. I mean, the question is legit, but this seems a bit farcical. And, as we all know, humor has no business lying in bed with intelligence.
Tangentially related fact:
Date on which student loans first passed credit cards among the largest sources of private debt in the United States: 6/30/10
I'm going to attack the question from the back end and say that it's related to our current financial system. Aside: I heard this fascinating story about a tribe that used giant limestone boulders as currency. And the boulders would remain in the same place for years but have belonged to several people during that time period. The most interesting of which was a large piece of limestone that some guys claimed to have found but lost at sea. These guys were credited with actually having the limestone. Ie, money in stocks.
I think the number of accountants and auditors is related to the extreme value that we place in developed nations on having money. It is necessary for our financial system to have a hell of a lot people running constant checks on it. Thus, the critique should really be attacking a society that is based almost entirely on material wealth while displaying scant attention to the paucity of emotional/familial/communal wealth. Ie, we have too many accountants because we care too much about money. However, that puts people in a bind as being the first person to not care about money doesn't exactly set you up to succeed. It also makes you a dirty hippie. Truthfully just reading the explanatory web page on accountants makes me incredibly sleepy. Go ahead, give it a tryWhat I'm getting at is that I'm less concerned about the number of accountants and more concerned about the love of money, which seems to be intimately tied to the accountants.
The simpler answer could be yes. People need to figure out how to do their own taxes/retirement funds.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Subjects
The subject appeared irritated at the presentation of a bottle containing her primary needs of sustenance on three different occasions during the course of the day. The subject appeared to chew on the portion of the bottle that is ideally supposed to simulate her food obtaining system. However, the subject did not at any point in time utilize the tool effectively to gain food. We are not left to wonder if the subject is deficient or whether we, the researchers, who immediately provide said sustenance in a familiar format, are at fault.
The subject routinely sleeps in increments of six to nine hours. We've been told that other similarly aged subjects have varying sleep schedules ranging from four to twelve hours. The subject appears to be truncating sleep schedules over the past few days. We are unsure if it is related to the abstention from bottle feeding or a change in the sleeping conditions. The subject now sleeps in a previously unoccupied room while the researchers sleep in a room down the hallway. We've noted that the subject often moves around more frequently in her new abode.
The subject has recently shown an increasing interest in hair, fingers, and noises created by the researchers that simulate bird calls, machine guns, or blasters from Star Wars. We suspect that the subject is either confused by the noises or wondering why we didn't teach a variety of clicking dialects instead of our paltry language.
We as researchers are approaching our wit's end.
Question 2 from the All Souls exam given to Oxford students. Answers from other readers strongly encouraged.
Q: From where does a sense of community come?
Digging people out after snowstorms? Shared political values? Religious values? (particularly in a more conservative context) The suburbs? Low crime rates? Similar socioeconomic statuses? Shared value systems that could be applied in a religious or secular context? Playing in sports leagues together? Picking up trash? People with too much time on there hands?
Query? How big can a community be, in which one can feel a sense of community? Ie, is it possible to feel a sense of community in New York, in D.C.? What is the maximum allowable population in which people feel a sense of community? Nebulous term aside. Is it at all negated in modern society by the seemingly meaningful connections we've formed with our televisions and computers? Can a person function fruitfully and feel a strong sense of community in a strictly online sense? Do we have to redefine community in order to reflect our modern situation? Can a sense of community have a negative connotation? Ie, did members of the SS feel a sense of community or is the term here being purely restricted to a positive sense of community?
I'd argue that a sense of community is generally felt when a person either highly values a particular place or a small group of people that occupy that place. Ie, I will not feel a sense of community about a place that I do not value. Thus, landlords often look for people to own homes rather than rent them because the owners are more apt to feel that the house belongs to them and treat it as such. Note: Most houses belong to the bank that loaned you the money for them.
I'd also argue that contrary to what people generally associate as dividers, age, race etc. That the thing that makes people feel the greatest shared sense of community is socioeconomic status. This, exceptions obviously on the two extremes of the spectrum, similarity in income is often related to things like where you shop and where you eat etc. Thus, a shared socioeconomic status will often create secondary commonalities that people associate with communities.
Community, like many other things in life, is also necessarily fostered by action, which is to say, behaving as though one has a strong sense of community often results in a strong sense of community actually developing. The point is simple, yet true, and perhaps more relevant in our contemporary world. If I pick up trash in my neighborhood, or help a woman dig her car out of the snow I began to believe that I have a stronger sense of community merely by acting in a way that fosters that sense.
Block parties and moderate boozing would probably also foster community.
The subject routinely sleeps in increments of six to nine hours. We've been told that other similarly aged subjects have varying sleep schedules ranging from four to twelve hours. The subject appears to be truncating sleep schedules over the past few days. We are unsure if it is related to the abstention from bottle feeding or a change in the sleeping conditions. The subject now sleeps in a previously unoccupied room while the researchers sleep in a room down the hallway. We've noted that the subject often moves around more frequently in her new abode.
The subject has recently shown an increasing interest in hair, fingers, and noises created by the researchers that simulate bird calls, machine guns, or blasters from Star Wars. We suspect that the subject is either confused by the noises or wondering why we didn't teach a variety of clicking dialects instead of our paltry language.
We as researchers are approaching our wit's end.
Question 2 from the All Souls exam given to Oxford students. Answers from other readers strongly encouraged.
Q: From where does a sense of community come?
Digging people out after snowstorms? Shared political values? Religious values? (particularly in a more conservative context) The suburbs? Low crime rates? Similar socioeconomic statuses? Shared value systems that could be applied in a religious or secular context? Playing in sports leagues together? Picking up trash? People with too much time on there hands?
Query? How big can a community be, in which one can feel a sense of community? Ie, is it possible to feel a sense of community in New York, in D.C.? What is the maximum allowable population in which people feel a sense of community? Nebulous term aside. Is it at all negated in modern society by the seemingly meaningful connections we've formed with our televisions and computers? Can a person function fruitfully and feel a strong sense of community in a strictly online sense? Do we have to redefine community in order to reflect our modern situation? Can a sense of community have a negative connotation? Ie, did members of the SS feel a sense of community or is the term here being purely restricted to a positive sense of community?
I'd argue that a sense of community is generally felt when a person either highly values a particular place or a small group of people that occupy that place. Ie, I will not feel a sense of community about a place that I do not value. Thus, landlords often look for people to own homes rather than rent them because the owners are more apt to feel that the house belongs to them and treat it as such. Note: Most houses belong to the bank that loaned you the money for them.
I'd also argue that contrary to what people generally associate as dividers, age, race etc. That the thing that makes people feel the greatest shared sense of community is socioeconomic status. This, exceptions obviously on the two extremes of the spectrum, similarity in income is often related to things like where you shop and where you eat etc. Thus, a shared socioeconomic status will often create secondary commonalities that people associate with communities.
Community, like many other things in life, is also necessarily fostered by action, which is to say, behaving as though one has a strong sense of community often results in a strong sense of community actually developing. The point is simple, yet true, and perhaps more relevant in our contemporary world. If I pick up trash in my neighborhood, or help a woman dig her car out of the snow I began to believe that I have a stronger sense of community merely by acting in a way that fosters that sense.
Block parties and moderate boozing would probably also foster community.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Structure.....All Souls College Examination
Skyscrapers took a long time to begin their rise towards the heavens because, before the invention of the steel frame, the entire weight of the building had to be held at the base. It is therefore reasonable for a modern reader to wonder how wide and how tall the Tower of Babel actually was. Steven Millhauser wrote a short story in which the inhabitants of an ancient city build a tower that pierces through the bottom of heaven. It's best if I don't structure things that way.
A year ago, at this time, I was counting down the days until I turned thirty.
26.
The Atlantic has a very interesting article about AI in this month's issue. From my understanding of the Turing test, computers struggle to make small talk. This is something that they have in common with young men at bars.
And, in what cannot be deemed a coincidence, Jeopardy is currently airing episodes that are pitting an IBM computer against past human champions. It is fair to say that the fate of all humanity rests upon this competition.
No pleasure can be quite as sweet as watching Alex Trebek chastise a computer.
None of this is really about AI. The First Computer weighed 30 short tons (27 t), was roughly 8 feet (2.4 m) by 3 feet (0.9 m) by 100 feet (30 m), took up 1800 square feet (167 m²), and consumed 150 kW of power, which is probably not big enough for God to be interested in smiting.
It would probably be best if we got some sort of smiting ration somewhere in Leviticus.
Questions from the All Souls exam given each year to graduates of Oxford. Only 3 fellowships are awarded to students who take the exam and roughly 100 or so people take it per year. I had an idea, not on the scale of the Empire State building or even the first computer. It's a modest proposal. I'd be interested to hear some of my friends responses to the questions. However, I am fairly certain, and it's kind of one of the questions that are time spent doing deep critical thinking has been reduced by the advent of the internet. The internet is not measurable, but if I was God, I would probably consider smiting it. In Egypt, before the fall of Mubarak, the internet was briefly blacked out, which just goes to show that humans aren't as good at smiting.
Q: What is war good for?
A: Provided by....Augustine. Just war? The greatest generation. Stopping pogroms/death camps. Reducing overpopulation. Bringing democratic freedom to the rest of the world. Expelling Canannites from the land of milk and honey. Creating a sense of national identity. Getting young people killed. The economy? Eisenhower and the military industrial complex.
Fact: Estimated percentage change in the US defense budget, NOT including the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan= +80percent.
War as fundamental to human existence. One could argue, as I'm nearly certain Augustine does, having found it impossible to ever read anything of his, just war does exist. Although, in a post-modern context, that's probably always debatable.
Without war we wouldn't know how great peace is. Note: Peace would probably be just fine without war.
Philosophy.
Defense contracting companies.
In general, governments.
War is, in my opinion, only really good in hindsight. Therefore, I propose that all future wars be fought in the past, after historians and thinkers have had time to sort out the implications of the war. Therefore; the UN will enter Rwanda post haste rather than waiting for a genocide to take place. However, the Italians will not invade Ethiopia in 1935 because in hindsight it sort of causes WW2 and was also terrible.
The only problem with my plan is that it involves the construction of a time machine, or at the very least, a large band of extras, preferably from the movie 300, who will go back in time and pretend to fight the wars that we should have fought or come to amicable terms on those we shouldn't have. The arbitration for such a large firm of actors would lead to, no doubt, a stalemate in contract negotiations, which would tie up the legal and intellectually resources of the greatest nations long enough for the world to be at peace.
So, take the Oxford challenge: What is war good for?
A year ago, at this time, I was counting down the days until I turned thirty.
26.
The Atlantic has a very interesting article about AI in this month's issue. From my understanding of the Turing test, computers struggle to make small talk. This is something that they have in common with young men at bars.
And, in what cannot be deemed a coincidence, Jeopardy is currently airing episodes that are pitting an IBM computer against past human champions. It is fair to say that the fate of all humanity rests upon this competition.
No pleasure can be quite as sweet as watching Alex Trebek chastise a computer.
None of this is really about AI. The First Computer weighed 30 short tons (27 t), was roughly 8 feet (2.4 m) by 3 feet (0.9 m) by 100 feet (30 m), took up 1800 square feet (167 m²), and consumed 150 kW of power, which is probably not big enough for God to be interested in smiting.
It would probably be best if we got some sort of smiting ration somewhere in Leviticus.
Questions from the All Souls exam given each year to graduates of Oxford. Only 3 fellowships are awarded to students who take the exam and roughly 100 or so people take it per year. I had an idea, not on the scale of the Empire State building or even the first computer. It's a modest proposal. I'd be interested to hear some of my friends responses to the questions. However, I am fairly certain, and it's kind of one of the questions that are time spent doing deep critical thinking has been reduced by the advent of the internet. The internet is not measurable, but if I was God, I would probably consider smiting it. In Egypt, before the fall of Mubarak, the internet was briefly blacked out, which just goes to show that humans aren't as good at smiting.
Q: What is war good for?
A: Provided by....Augustine. Just war? The greatest generation. Stopping pogroms/death camps. Reducing overpopulation. Bringing democratic freedom to the rest of the world. Expelling Canannites from the land of milk and honey. Creating a sense of national identity. Getting young people killed. The economy? Eisenhower and the military industrial complex.
Fact: Estimated percentage change in the US defense budget, NOT including the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan= +80percent.
War as fundamental to human existence. One could argue, as I'm nearly certain Augustine does, having found it impossible to ever read anything of his, just war does exist. Although, in a post-modern context, that's probably always debatable.
Without war we wouldn't know how great peace is. Note: Peace would probably be just fine without war.
Philosophy.
Defense contracting companies.
In general, governments.
War is, in my opinion, only really good in hindsight. Therefore, I propose that all future wars be fought in the past, after historians and thinkers have had time to sort out the implications of the war. Therefore; the UN will enter Rwanda post haste rather than waiting for a genocide to take place. However, the Italians will not invade Ethiopia in 1935 because in hindsight it sort of causes WW2 and was also terrible.
The only problem with my plan is that it involves the construction of a time machine, or at the very least, a large band of extras, preferably from the movie 300, who will go back in time and pretend to fight the wars that we should have fought or come to amicable terms on those we shouldn't have. The arbitration for such a large firm of actors would lead to, no doubt, a stalemate in contract negotiations, which would tie up the legal and intellectually resources of the greatest nations long enough for the world to be at peace.
So, take the Oxford challenge: What is war good for?
Friday, February 11, 2011
The week that was
On Mondays we tended to complain about the weekend. We'd either done too much and not really had a chance to relax or done too little and there we were sitting behind our cubical walls again without a damn thing to show for our two paltry days off. On Mondays the printer always said Happy Monday, but we could never figure out what there was to be happy about. At times we'd have a good conversation with someone we almost knew, and for a few moments we'd imagine that this week was the week when things were going to change. And then we'd get an e-mail or a phone call about something that had gone wrong, that we'd screwed up, and we'd realize that it was just Monday again.
On Tuesdays we'd start checking the clock at 1:15. Only three and a half hours to go we'd say to each other intending for it to be a joke and not some depressing reality. We tended to forget to drink coffee on Tuesdays, and we'd sit in our cubes with a headache watching videos of things that we heard were funny.
On Wednesdays we went to meetings in the morning with a bunch of people we sort of knew but not well enough to make jokes during the particularly boring portions of the meeting that really merited it. It was on those days, the sun just some ghost hidden behind dark clouds that we thought about applying for other jobs. We tossed words like passionate around to people we sort of knew about things we weren't doing until the day was over.
On Thursday we started talking about the weekend weather. We speculated on wind chill and its relative effect on the quality of our plans. We spent at least an hour walking around the office looking for people to talk to but only spent ten minutes with people we knew. The other fifty minutes were spent imagining the things we'd say in a life that wasn't our own.
On Fridays we pretended to work while we dreamed about weekends to come. We walked quickly to appear busy. We asked our co-workers about all those little things that we'd forgotten to during the week. We bore them no ill-will. It's Friday dammit! we seemed to say. In the afternoon we had a meeting which we spent doodling pictures of roses in our notebooks. And eventually the day ended, the sunlight fading to that uniform blue of late afternoon, and we trudged home almost certain that nothing was ever going to change, but that it would be okay for just one more week.
On Tuesdays we'd start checking the clock at 1:15. Only three and a half hours to go we'd say to each other intending for it to be a joke and not some depressing reality. We tended to forget to drink coffee on Tuesdays, and we'd sit in our cubes with a headache watching videos of things that we heard were funny.
On Wednesdays we went to meetings in the morning with a bunch of people we sort of knew but not well enough to make jokes during the particularly boring portions of the meeting that really merited it. It was on those days, the sun just some ghost hidden behind dark clouds that we thought about applying for other jobs. We tossed words like passionate around to people we sort of knew about things we weren't doing until the day was over.
On Thursday we started talking about the weekend weather. We speculated on wind chill and its relative effect on the quality of our plans. We spent at least an hour walking around the office looking for people to talk to but only spent ten minutes with people we knew. The other fifty minutes were spent imagining the things we'd say in a life that wasn't our own.
On Fridays we pretended to work while we dreamed about weekends to come. We walked quickly to appear busy. We asked our co-workers about all those little things that we'd forgotten to during the week. We bore them no ill-will. It's Friday dammit! we seemed to say. In the afternoon we had a meeting which we spent doodling pictures of roses in our notebooks. And eventually the day ended, the sunlight fading to that uniform blue of late afternoon, and we trudged home almost certain that nothing was ever going to change, but that it would be okay for just one more week.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Some
s continues on her bottle strike or, mom's weak will not forcing the baby to starve until she breaks down and finally takes the damn bottle. I remember, at least a month ago, when s used to be the type of lil girl who would chug down a bottle in six minutes flat and then give herself indigestion for an hour. I miss that little girl. That same little girl who would curl up on her father's chest and sleep away the evening instead of constantly trying to lift her head up to look at pretty lights or a fan like she does now, and, in the process, winds up getting really irritated about not being able to see anything besides her father's chin. Lousy baby.
Now for some gratuitous baby videos! This first video pretty much sums up about 9/10 times that we actually use the video camera. As it turns out babies aren't like trained bears who ride around the circus on tricycles. I mean, you show those bears how to do it once, and they won't let you down. However, with a baby, you're pretty much going to be let down at least 95 percent of the time. Whatever the child has just done that is incredibly cute will never be repeated when you put the camera on them. Why? Because people's behavior always changes when they know they are being observed. And nothing says, "do something amazingly cute" like a camera. Actually our camera can't talk, but it's fair to say that it probably should, and I'm patenting that idea right now. Imagine a camera that says "cheese" and "smile" and "Dad, it's only one damn picture can you at least put on a sweater." Gold.
So, yeah. That's my little s. She's humorless. I see a long career ahead of her in HR. If anyone reading this blog is in HR, I don't mean you. You are probably the exception that proves the rule. I just imagine it might be tough to be funny in a job where you always have to be worried about saying the wrong thing. Because, as we all learned from watching that amazing video of the count, saying crazy stuff is funny.
But wait, I hear you beginning to ask yourself why it's been so many words since you saw a video of a cute baby. Here is a video of s's one month birthday. That's right, one month birthday. It's the sort of obnoxious things that new parents do because they can't understand why everyone isn't as amazed by the milestones as they are.
Parent: She found her toes today.
Singe Friend:...............Good?
Now for some gratuitous baby videos! This first video pretty much sums up about 9/10 times that we actually use the video camera. As it turns out babies aren't like trained bears who ride around the circus on tricycles. I mean, you show those bears how to do it once, and they won't let you down. However, with a baby, you're pretty much going to be let down at least 95 percent of the time. Whatever the child has just done that is incredibly cute will never be repeated when you put the camera on them. Why? Because people's behavior always changes when they know they are being observed. And nothing says, "do something amazingly cute" like a camera. Actually our camera can't talk, but it's fair to say that it probably should, and I'm patenting that idea right now. Imagine a camera that says "cheese" and "smile" and "Dad, it's only one damn picture can you at least put on a sweater." Gold.
So, yeah. That's my little s. She's humorless. I see a long career ahead of her in HR. If anyone reading this blog is in HR, I don't mean you. You are probably the exception that proves the rule. I just imagine it might be tough to be funny in a job where you always have to be worried about saying the wrong thing. Because, as we all learned from watching that amazing video of the count, saying crazy stuff is funny.
But wait, I hear you beginning to ask yourself why it's been so many words since you saw a video of a cute baby. Here is a video of s's one month birthday. That's right, one month birthday. It's the sort of obnoxious things that new parents do because they can't understand why everyone isn't as amazed by the milestones as they are.
Parent: She found her toes today.
Singe Friend:...............Good?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The Ergonomics of cow milking in Sweden/Bottle Strike
Sadly this post it not about the ergonomics of cow milking in Sweden. However, I did receive an article request for said material, and I'm delighted that we have a crack staff of people out in the world looking at things like the ergonomics of cow milking in Sweden.
Other ideas:
1. The incidence of monarch butterfly on monarch butterfly crime in dense forests.
2. The ability of children between the ages of 3 and 3.2 to correctly identify antidisestablishmentarianism as the longest word in countries that were formerly part of the Soviet Union.
3. Twitter.
4. A measure of the inscrutability of New Yorker cartoons for people who live outside of NYC.
5. The effect of mercury on the sexual preference of white ibises. I jest, obviously that's already been done.
I've got lots of other ideas too, but I don't want to put them all out there until after I've published several of them myself.
So, we've been sort of lax in feeding s bottles, and last night she decided that she no longer cared for them. As the spouse currently not on maternity leave do you:
a) Accuse your spouse of lax parenting insisting that they should have known that the child needed to take a bottle more regularly whilst absolving yourself by saying, "One of use has to work." Note: don't mention salaries in this scenario.
b) Admit that both of you bear some culpability in failing to administer a bottle to the child. In this case do not say things like, "I don't know why we couldn't have given her a bottle last weekend." Mention that parenting is a tough job and that you're both still learning.
c) Blame the baby. Insist that it is her ill-temper that is causing the problem. Spend at least ten minutes shoving a bottle into her mouth while she screams back at you in the sort of voice that means "screw you dad!"
d) Blame the bottle. Sit down with the bottle and talk to it. Explain the virtue that is achieved when an object is used as it's supposed to be. Pat the bottle on the back and tell it to give the baby one more chance.
e) a-c, with an emphasis on b.
In conclusion, s is apparently on what the books call a bottle strike or what I call "an opportunity to show your baby that your will is stronger because she's not always going to know what's best for her in this world of ours, and we, as parents, need to show her the way that things ought to be done and if that means that she screams and starves for an hour until she takes the bottle then so be it."
In retrospect I can see why they went with bottle strike. It's a little pithier. I'm already looking forward to the battle that s and I will be engaged in upon my arrival home. I don't think she stands a chance. She's not even two feet tall. This is a classic David vs. Goliath matchup.
David: Excessive screaming
Goliath: Irritation at being thwarted.
David: Pretty damn cute when she smiles.
Goliath: Not entirely immune to said smiles.
David: Almost bald.
Goliath: Has an advantage in the hair department.
David: Inability to shove the bottle away with her hands.
Goliath: Ability to manipulate objects using his hands.
David: Ability to not swallow milk.
Goliath: Ability to keep pouring milk into David's mouth until she starts choking on what is either milk or her own little screams at which point he wimps out and starts comforting her until she stops crying at which point he rejoins the fray.
David: Getting cuter.
Goliath: Getting older.
It should be fun!
Other ideas:
1. The incidence of monarch butterfly on monarch butterfly crime in dense forests.
2. The ability of children between the ages of 3 and 3.2 to correctly identify antidisestablishmentarianism as the longest word in countries that were formerly part of the Soviet Union.
3. Twitter.
4. A measure of the inscrutability of New Yorker cartoons for people who live outside of NYC.
5. The effect of mercury on the sexual preference of white ibises. I jest, obviously that's already been done.
I've got lots of other ideas too, but I don't want to put them all out there until after I've published several of them myself.
So, we've been sort of lax in feeding s bottles, and last night she decided that she no longer cared for them. As the spouse currently not on maternity leave do you:
a) Accuse your spouse of lax parenting insisting that they should have known that the child needed to take a bottle more regularly whilst absolving yourself by saying, "One of use has to work." Note: don't mention salaries in this scenario.
b) Admit that both of you bear some culpability in failing to administer a bottle to the child. In this case do not say things like, "I don't know why we couldn't have given her a bottle last weekend." Mention that parenting is a tough job and that you're both still learning.
c) Blame the baby. Insist that it is her ill-temper that is causing the problem. Spend at least ten minutes shoving a bottle into her mouth while she screams back at you in the sort of voice that means "screw you dad!"
d) Blame the bottle. Sit down with the bottle and talk to it. Explain the virtue that is achieved when an object is used as it's supposed to be. Pat the bottle on the back and tell it to give the baby one more chance.
e) a-c, with an emphasis on b.
In conclusion, s is apparently on what the books call a bottle strike or what I call "an opportunity to show your baby that your will is stronger because she's not always going to know what's best for her in this world of ours, and we, as parents, need to show her the way that things ought to be done and if that means that she screams and starves for an hour until she takes the bottle then so be it."
In retrospect I can see why they went with bottle strike. It's a little pithier. I'm already looking forward to the battle that s and I will be engaged in upon my arrival home. I don't think she stands a chance. She's not even two feet tall. This is a classic David vs. Goliath matchup.
David: Excessive screaming
Goliath: Irritation at being thwarted.
David: Pretty damn cute when she smiles.
Goliath: Not entirely immune to said smiles.
David: Almost bald.
Goliath: Has an advantage in the hair department.
David: Inability to shove the bottle away with her hands.
Goliath: Ability to manipulate objects using his hands.
David: Ability to not swallow milk.
Goliath: Ability to keep pouring milk into David's mouth until she starts choking on what is either milk or her own little screams at which point he wimps out and starts comforting her until she stops crying at which point he rejoins the fray.
David: Getting cuter.
Goliath: Getting older.
It should be fun!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Uhhmmmm
This is the funniest thing I've seen in a while. Apparently eight million people have beaten me to this video, but I was still cracking up, and so I'm just going to go ahead and post it. Note: I never watched Sesame Street as a kid because I was the youngest of three. Thus, I considered Ses. to be the sort of show that babies watched. I was all about He-man and G.I. Joe, and Transformers, and Voltron. Ergo; I have no strong affinity for the show that is scarred by making a few jokes at its expense.
Listen, I read a post below this video that was criticizing this video for demeaning an education show. However, that person was tragically born without a sense of humor.
In other family related to news I got a chance to take (pause to laugh at how funny the count) care of Sadie this weekend for the first time in a long time. And I concluded that we probably need to get a nanny or something because taking care of kids is hard work. S was nattering on about how she wanted to attend some sort of breastfeeding binge at a museum this week because a lady was told she couldn't in the museum. And this is the part of the conversation where I just start saying, (about the security guard who told the woman she couldn't breastfeed) "Oh no he didn't girl!" And I'd like that same phrase appended or something like it to any reaction to me claiming taking care of babies is hard. Yes, I realize that most people know that, but I didn't see any of you in my hotel room when s was crying for hours because she's a baby. Rant over.
I'm waiting for s to take her next jump in development. Lately she's been trying to sit up, and she's starting to try and attempt to laugh. She will smile at you pretty often now, but it appears to be entirely out of context as she will still often finish a smile by breaking into tears. I'm trying to work with her on dancing and laughing and that sort of thing because I'm scared she's going to turn out all serious and stuff, which would be, I think we can all agree, a tragedy.
s also enjoyed the Super Bowl with me last night until my team lost in the last couple of minutes and then she seemed a little confused about why daddy was shouting at the top of his lungs and waking her up from sleep. I think I was just building character. Besides which, if the little girl heard any untoward language she probably already heard it from the count first.
Listen, I read a post below this video that was criticizing this video for demeaning an education show. However, that person was tragically born without a sense of humor.
In other family related to news I got a chance to take (pause to laugh at how funny the count) care of Sadie this weekend for the first time in a long time. And I concluded that we probably need to get a nanny or something because taking care of kids is hard work. S was nattering on about how she wanted to attend some sort of breastfeeding binge at a museum this week because a lady was told she couldn't in the museum. And this is the part of the conversation where I just start saying, (about the security guard who told the woman she couldn't breastfeed) "Oh no he didn't girl!" And I'd like that same phrase appended or something like it to any reaction to me claiming taking care of babies is hard. Yes, I realize that most people know that, but I didn't see any of you in my hotel room when s was crying for hours because she's a baby. Rant over.
I'm waiting for s to take her next jump in development. Lately she's been trying to sit up, and she's starting to try and attempt to laugh. She will smile at you pretty often now, but it appears to be entirely out of context as she will still often finish a smile by breaking into tears. I'm trying to work with her on dancing and laughing and that sort of thing because I'm scared she's going to turn out all serious and stuff, which would be, I think we can all agree, a tragedy.
s also enjoyed the Super Bowl with me last night until my team lost in the last couple of minutes and then she seemed a little confused about why daddy was shouting at the top of his lungs and waking her up from sleep. I think I was just building character. Besides which, if the little girl heard any untoward language she probably already heard it from the count first.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)