Day Three CA trip/Everything you need to know about Kim Kardashian's wedding

Everything you need to know about Kim Kardashian's Wedding






S: You cursed a lot in that last blog.

M: I was attempting to use a certain tone to give it more humor.

S: What were you hoping to achieve with that humor.

M: I'm basically trying to distract people from the almost horrifying reality that they are the central being in only their own narrative. To take away for a moment the reality that we are tiny collections of atoms in a vast universe. That the fact that we exist is really a kind of cosmic joke.

S: Really?

M: Maybe not, but it's a pretty good answer right.


We woke up for our third day ready to hit the road. This means that we were up by ten. Lil s probably woke up earlier and shouted at us over the top of her pack and play because that's the sort of thing she does the little ingrate. After that we headed downstairs and ate breakfast at the godly hour of ten thirty. Let's be honest, monks have it all wrong, the good Lord wants us to eat brunch every day not wake up at 3 A.M. At least the proto-Western God that I prefer to worship when I'm buying myself Lattes and people watching.

Then we tried to convince my father to drive to Santa Cruz. My father's fear of traffic rivals our own fear of the 495 on weekends, and so we settled on Sunset State Beach. The drive out to the beach was nice, golden hills, live oaks and great oaks, fog thick on the coast. You know, your basic CA beauty so absent on the opposite coast.

Unfortunately, upon viewing the fog it occurred to me that I'd forgotten to bring my sweatshirt. Of course, there's no use in bringing only my sweatshirt because S will take that from me. So I'd actually forgotten to bring not only my sweatshirt but also my backup sweatshirt. I don't know at what point in history it was established that being manly meant not being cold, but I get cold and want my sweatshirt.

On the way we passed through an agricultural town with a bunch of people out enjoying some nice U pick. Of course the U pick appeared a bit strange because the people just gave back the baskets of fruit and were out there for six hours or so. I guess U picks are just different on the west coast.

Sunset State beach was swathed in fog, and we ate our lunch next to people who were doing the holy work of grilling while we passed cold sandwiches back and forth and wrapped ourselves in towels. I don't know what prevents people from inviting me to their BBQ's. I love them. I guess not knowing them. People need to read on the Gospel about giving to the hungry and needy and afflicted with turkey sandwiches when hot hamburgers lie only a few feet away.

We then headed off to the beach portion of the beach, which was not crawling with a bunch of filthy insects or large families with beach umbrellas and tan kids skim boarding as you might know them. We were excited to put s down on the beach because we were fairly certain she'd be able to get lunch and dinner provided her all from the wonder of sand. Much to our dismay she merely crawled around on the sand and ran her hands through it with a look of wonder that was reminiscent of a drinker finding a hidden bottle of wine.

I'm not a big fan of sand. I'm no fan of rocks either. I don't know why they can't make the beach out of that nice recycled rubber from old tires. That beach would be amazing! No disgusting sand or annoying rocks just old mother nature recycled via tires onto your feet.

Anyhow, then we took s down to the beach to try and scare her and teach her about the dangers of drowning. Sadly she just smiled when the waves crept up around her knees.

M: You're getting your pants wet.

s: Gurgles in delight.

M: That's not a good thing.

s: Looks excitedly for the next wave.

After a completely unsuccessful lesson we took a walk down the beach and lo and behold we found a large swath of wide open beach. Mainly because people are too lazy to walk that far down. Anyhow, I was commenting on how great the Pacific was when S said, "The ocean just looks like the ocean." And I had to correct and remind her that the Pacific was amazing and the Atlantic was referred to by seamen as the "green sea of death." I'm not sure why they changed the name. Or something like that.

After a long day at the beach we headed back to San Jose and packed up for our next adventure in my hometown of Chico.First we stopped off at Denny's for dinner though because Denny's is the greatest place ever if you're on a road trip though we'd never ever go to one if we weren't on a road trip. What is it about road trips that makes certain things sanctionable that aren't otherwise like Denny's, fast food, yelling obscenities in multiple languages at anyone going under 55, threatening your family with the ball and chain if they don't stop whining, enjoying golden hills. It's kind of a mystery.

We met my mom in Dunnigan Gap, which has a population of around 200 and who's only claim to fame is a now closed restaurant. It's kind of like the Arlington of Northern CA. Anyhow, on the way out of the Wendy's we noticed a bunch of kittens in the parking lot just wandering around. I tried to get my dad to take one because he has like nine cats that he feeds as it is but he refused. So I drove by the lil kittens scavenging in the drive thru area to make myself feel bad. It worked. Then we drove on into the night.

Picture time (No kittens were harmed or adopted)


Lil s and I are still working out on the kinks, but I've at least got her leading with the jab.

More importantly you follow that up with a smile Muhammad Ali style, like buddy, I can trade punches all night. She's a natural. I think it's fair to say that most dads want their daughters to grow up to be professional boxers.

Oh hello empty coast line. Where are all the east coasters crawling all over the place like ants. Where is that place where I can rent an umbrella and put it down right next to someone else with an umbrella? Where are all the tattoos?

We've got an offer in on this one. I think my library salary will probably be what puts us over the top.

I'm watching you s. I know that you lead with a smile and then surreptitiously eat sand, and I can respect that.

Hi baby

S: An ocean just looks like an ocean

M: No. This is the good one.

This is the part where I teach s how to be serious and that water safety is no accident.

Unfortunately she loved it. I mean, at the very least the water was cold lil s. Come on! Plus I ruined my fancy pickin' up dudes/being homeless jeans.

My peeps

It's illegal to pick California poppies. But it's not illegal to smash them with a pine cone attached to a stick. Okay, it might be. I'm no law expert. I am an expert at smashing things though.