Remember that time that we were all alive and it was 1997

9. Invisible Man by 98 Degrees

Stop whining about being the invisible man 1997 version of me. Go out and talk to some girls instead of sitting in your room listening to music about being invisible in your room with the shades drawn, weeping on the floor and trying to figure out the exact difference between sympathy and empathy. Also, maybe you should stop wearing that invisibility cloak you bought off the internet. No, it’s a thing. Anyhow, blah, blah, blah, people don’t love me. My ambivalence about 1997 is that this was the year that pop music became popular and killed off Bush and Soundgarden and other, you know, bands from getting radio play. Thank God for Jewel, which, more later--

8. Mouth by Merrill Bainbridge

I liked this song way more than the “I’m a bitch I’m a lover etc.” song that was more popular. In 1997 all it took was Merrill Bainbridge singing about salty lips (were lips salty? I certainly didn’t know?) and slapping people’s mouths to pretty much have me wrapped around her finger. I remember talking about this song/maybe singing along to it with one of my friends in high school, who will remain nameless because I don’t want to make him look bad.  But seriously, I can’t believe Josh liked this song.

It’s 1997, Merrill Bainbridge, and I’m a teenager. It’s certainly not your fault that you turned me on though it’s not an amazing accomplishment as you’re in the illustrious company of an Environmental Science lecture about the need to turn off tap water while shaving. Illustrious company, to be sure.

7. All Cried out by 112

Oh man, my heart, and by heart, I mean the place where I store my ocean sized soul, does this thing where it skips when the guy says “woooo” during her tears causing an inferno line. Was that possible? Could tears cause a fire? I didn’t know that they could until I heard this song by 112 and Allure in which tears were set on fire by the passion. Do you hear that passion? Do you? Listen to that woo again and feel that passion! It’s 1997, and we’re almost ready to start falling in love.

Interlude: The top six songs are all amazing for one reason or another, which I didn’t remember until I looked at the list of the top 100 songs. I mean, I’m excited and I know what I put on the list. Ranking the top six is incredibly tough, and I want you to know that I struggled over it and took it very seriously. (Where did I put the wine and chocolate chips? One of the best things about being an adult is the ability to stay up as late as you want and do all those amazing things you couldn’t do as a kid like rank songs from 1997. Life is sweet).

6. Wannabe by The Spice Girls

In what world could this possibly only be the sixth best song in a year? Only in 1997, my friends, when time briefly stopped to put out some of the greatest music since the invention of music by a Neandrathal slamming two rocks together in 8,000 BC in what is present day Mongolia.  It was weird in 1997, which one of these girls was the most attractive? Are any of them attractive? Does that matter? Stop being sexist 1997. But, wait. You have to get with my friends? First off, that seems like a terrible proposition for fidelity, and, as far as I understand in 1997 the girl always winds up getting rid of all of her friends and becoming friends with all of her boyfriend’s guy friends. Oh, I see what you’re doing Spice Girls. You are turning narratives on their heads, and you’re doing it with awesome British accents. Watching this video is the 1997 equivalent of watching an entire season of Girls in terms of progress.

5. MMMbop by Hanson

It’s a little known fact that the word “catchy” wasn’t actually invented until people heard this song in 1997. Shortly after the first few bars were played somebody said, “I don’t know exactly what that was, but I need some new way to define it because it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.” Mind you, that was before they’d even gotten to the chorus with all of the MMMbopps, which made you want to find people you loved, or even just kind of liked, so that you could embrace them and maybe jump around in a dance circle appreciating life and music and youth and oxygen and dandelions looking like flowers instead of the weeds that they are. It was like The Beatles, only bigger. I’m tired of having history jammed down my throat by old timers. Hanson was the greatest band of the 20^th century.

4. You Were Meant for Me by Jewel

Recently, I was having a conversation with one my part-time workers at the library. An ex-college football playing, weight lifting, very cool guy and do you know what he let slip? He said, every night before I go to bed I listen to Jewel. Her music is so calming. I could just let that anecdote stand and kind of will. Whatever she was doing right in 1997, she is doing right now. I love the part where she says she went to see a movie and it just wasn’t the same because it was happy, or I was sad, and, it made me miss you, oh so bad. It pretty much lyrically manages to wrap the crazy and mixed up feelings you have when you are missing someone deeply and get yourself untangled from it and want to spend the evening looking out the window and thinking about calling them but not calling them. Oh, Jewel. I’d treat you right…nah, I probably wouldn’t.

3. Foolish Games by Jewel

 (Wait, did you just double down on Jewel? You’re damn right I did!)

The great thing about this song in 1997 was turning the narrative on its head. I wasn’t intellectually prepared for deconstructionist theories or anything, but the strange thing about this song was how suddenly you could picture yourself as the guy delivering the heartbreak to the girl instead of the one who’s heart is always broken. Maybe you were just vain, but you could see yourself standing in doorways, talking about the weather and pretending not to give a damn about the girl in front of you. Plus, you were smoking a cigarette and talking over coffee about philosophy and Mozart. Isn’t that what the cool guys that you always wanted to be spent their time doing? I mean sure, when she says, “Excuse me, guess I’m mistaking you for somebody else, somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself,” and you can kind of hear her weeping on the last line, you sang along, but it was different somehow. You knew that you’d broken her heart without ever intending to or doing anything beyond standing in the rain without a coat, which I always do.

2. The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe

I’m pretty sure if was a little bit older this song would have been number one. Sadly, I wasn’t in college yet when this epically sad song came out. However, I could imagine what it would be like. It would pretty much be just like this song--lots of sorrow and angst and slowly played guitars and emotions, sad, sad emotions running amok. Why did we think we were so smart 1997? We were so young and fragile, like baby birds trying to fly that first time out of the nest. Wait, did the song just speed up? Did it just speed up? Are people taking drugs in college? Are we sad about it. Oh man, I can’t wait for all this angst to begin 1997. Man, I’ve never had a relationship, but I bet they are just like that, slipping through ice and then having to sing about it with gravel in our voice to get rid of the rage that we feel at ourselves for taking something so fragile and beautiful and turning it all into shi- like we always knew we would.

1.       Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind

Enough sadness already, 1997: this song exists. And the first time I ever actually danced to a fast song was this one. And I’m usually a humble person but the only thing I’m going to apologize for is how good I looked dancing to this song. I had no right to look so comfortable for someone who had never moved to music at anything about a sway before in his life. Okay, so maybe the above part was mostly a lie and the tape would disagree, but we don’t have tape. All we have is this beautiful, beautiful song about drugs and sex and how great it was to be made of dust in 1997 even if that’s all we would one day return to.