On Children crying at night

In the middle of the night, somewhere between 3 and 5 am, long after the body has drifted into a deep cycle of sleep a cry issues from the bedroom where he sleeps. In that first cry is the suggestion of more cries, which will follow it, and eventually lead me out of bed into a rocking chair, or leaning over a crib having a conversation about scary monkey's or the amount of books that he needs in his crib.

Always though, I lie there quietly after the first cry because there is always the chance that the first cry will not multiply into more that the cry will fade away into the other sounds of the evening, a fan, a furnace, and these moments seem to last for days, I relax, hoping for the best, always anticipating that no cries will follow.

Sometimes a second cry issues, and I wonder whether she'll get up to get him, or whether I should get up to get him. I start doing calculations about hours of sleep and hours of work and expectations, and I lie there in bed silently willing her to roll out of bed and enter his room.

And still the rarest of things. Sometimes I hear a cry, and I roll out of bed right away. I walk into his room, and I pull his limp body close to mine, and I sit in the rocking chair, with my chin resting on his soft, soft hair, and I tell him that everything is going to be all right, "Daddy's here." Everything won't be all right, but I don't want to tell him that now. Right now I just want him to sleep and dream.