Thursday-Defining Things

S: We should read her Bible stories.

M: Yeah, that would be exciting.

S: See, this one is cute. It's about the young hero and the horrible giant.

M: Jack and the bean stock is Biblical?



Composition


By the second of January in the following year, it had been at least ten months since I had written anything memorable. See if this floats your boat, the rain made slow puddles in the street, an impressionist industrial morning. Now, I know the portion about the puddles is, at the very least, weak, but I’m inclined to believe that the part relating that very morning rain to a painting by Monet is at least passable, and when I’m not being modest, I’d be inclined even to say, quite good.

On Jefferson

Dear Sirs,
I cannot advise you in any more lucid terms to cease and desist. Our fine magazine, established 1817, at the very house where Thomas Jefferson himself composed the declaration of independence has no time, nor desire to read second rate prose constructed by a first rate annoyer.

On the use of the word gentleman

Gentleman,
And I do use the term lightly in view of our last correspondence. I don’t see how you can turn up your nose so incredibly quickly at such a pretty turn of phrase.

Observations on the following subjects:


The Male

The male subject routinely awakes and appears to smash a small plastic object that is on his left-hand side. He seems to regard the object, an alarm I’m now told, ambiguously as it is both the harbinger of the morning, and apparently, like the albatross of yore, of a strange death. Two times a week the subject does not hit the item in question, but turns it towards himself and sighs very deeply. This same sigh is often utilized during the time when the subject has left the shower and has not as of yet, begun clothing himself. Generally the subject emits a low grunt when the alarm goes off, and occasionally, on the way to the bathroom he mutters “oh shit.” At this time we have not found a correlation between his bowel movements and this perhaps colloquial utterance.

The Female

The female subject does not appear to smash her plastic object, when it emits a noise. Rather, she looks at it and then pulls it in bed next to her body. We have determined that the female is not feeding the object, and that it is almost certainly not offspring. The female subject holds the object to her chest until a certain point in time when it is restored to its previous place. During this process the male subject often moves limbs, but generally remains in a static state of sleep. The female subject does not utter any intelligible language during her morning shower, though she often emits a noise that can only be described as humming.

Here is a picture of king Leopold the 2nd of Belgium