Today

My brief foray into the art of Zen Buddhism came to a rapid halt last week when I discovered that I had inadvertently injured my back while putting my left leg on my thigh and sitting for five minutes. As it turns out, human beings have a muscle in their backs, which objects rather strenuously to the lotus position. Anyhow, the point is that anyone over the age of about nine should not attempt Zen mastery, and certainly not people teetering on the edge of 30.

Today I worked at the American University Library, proving myself to be an integral part of the staff by affixing post-its to shelves for a solid couple of hours. I felt pretty good about myself, until I was told that they'd hired a chimp to replace me. The dumb bastard couldn't even put the stickers on properly, but he was willing to work for bananas, and I demanded medium wage.

I've been looking for a job recently and have discovered that only two kinds of jobs exist in the world. They are as follows:
Job One-Come save the (environment, world, democratic party, polar bears, redwood forests, oceans, developing country a, b or c, DC statehood, children whose last names are hard to pronounce and who suffer in silence) all for the incredibly high salary of 20,000 dollars a year. That's right, we'll pay you in pennies, but you'll be happy to be serving the homeless when you are living out on the street with them, and with these salaries, that will happen in no time. Think of the joy you'll get from ringing random doorbells and harassing strangers on the street, asking for just a minute of their time while they turn away in disgust, come, be a leper!

Job Two-Come to work at (corporation or NGO). We'd like someone to start working in our (HR department, data analyst, accountant, middle manager, computer systems) We offer a competitive salary and benefits. Yay! We ask that all candidates applying for the position of computer keyboard gluer have at least seven to ten years of gluing experience, with at least two coming in a business corporate setting. Please feel free to apply for any posting if you've worked in the same field for 5-20 years and are looking to make a lateral move (corporation x, y, z) are hiring soon. If you don't have experience then why are you applying? How do you get experience, we don't know, but you better get some if you intend to work here.

I'm going with job three, which invovles sorting panickedly through job ones and job two's until today is over. Yay!