Working hard or hardly working

"My whole life is a vacation but sometimes that's hard because vacation just feels like another day off." Andrew Bertaina

Let us go then, you and I,
when the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
T.S. Eliot The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

7:42 A.M. Sit up quickly and begin editing this blog.
7:57 A.M. Desist in trying to access my blog because the computer has yet to turn on.
8:10 A.M. Complete sit ups and briefly pull the computer into my lap and acquire third degree burns from the overheated battery. Watch as the screen rolls away as though it were an early version of PowerPoint. Sit patiently while the computer tries to turn on. Secretly suspect a volcano at the center of my computer.
8:20 A.M. Decide to pursue Zen Buddhism as a means of obtaining a better sense of harmony with the world.
8:25 A.M. Discover that the lotus position is only possible for me at the age of seven. Attain half-lotus position and listen to my knee pop in thirteen discrete places. This is good for me, I remind myself as I stare with my mind empty at a piece of the carpet.
8:30 A.M. Desist in yoga because my web-site has recommended that I not set unattainable goals in trying to become a Zen master. The world seems like it has a bit more harmony or perhaps breakfast has just settled.
9-10 A.M. Fill out a job application with minimal errors. Submit job application and have the feeling that I've accomplished more than enough for one day. Reward myself by taking some time to read.
10:20 A.M. Learn that my brother and his wife are having a baby girl. Congrats to them! Now that he and his wife have had a baby girl and a baby boy I come to the stark realization that my only way to be original now is to father a hermaphrodite. Think about moving near a nuclear plant to increase chances. Decide against it. Feel bad. Read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides as penance.
11-4 P.M. Work part-time at a library inventorying books, which consists of checking to make sure that every book is in it's proper place in the library. Listen to podcasts about generative math and music. http://www.longnow.org/projects/seminars/
12 P.M. Go to library picnic and attempt to not overeat. Leave early because I get antsy that the books in the library are missing me.
4:10 P.M. Sneak into the back of the library and take a piece of left-over chicken from the fridge and put it in my bag. Note: I think the chicken was up for grabs, but I tend to do these sorts of things secretly, as though people were watching me and just waiting for the moment that they saw me with the chicken to jump out and say, "Put that chicken down you thief." And then spend the next few minutes berating me for chicken theft, and perhaps resorting to torture (just kidding American government) And there I'd be embarrassed and possibly fired, and my hands would have BBQ sauce all over them, and I'd try to apologize but would probably wind up crying or at the very least getting BBQ sauce on my one nice pair of jeans, and for what? For a stupid piece of chicken, I mean, how stupid is that?
4-5:30 P.M. Spend about fifteen minutes working on my novel (insert Stewie voice here: the hero's journey is not always a happy one.") Briefly debate moving the setting of my novel from nineteenth century Africa to twenty third century Uzbeckistan...less to research that way.
6:00-7:00 Work out. Make copious use of mirrors to check on my declining body. Thirty looms.
7 P.M. Have a delicious dinner centered around a nice piece of chicken that turned up in my fridge.
8-10 P.M. Read a book, change the background colors on this blog. Spend an inordinate amount of time with my wife trying to post a resume on G-town's home page. Fail. Post it with mistakes anyway, they have to realize they suck.
10:30 P.M. Having posted two job applications today I retire heroically to this blog, feeling a bit like Washington must have felt when he cornered Cornwallis.