Post Number 100!

I could go on and on about the hardships of not having internet over the past couple of weeks, but I think it's fair to say that not having the internet as a twenty first century American is akin to being a knight during the middle ages who is stabbed repeatedly by a sword in the lower intestines. And then, right before your noble death, being transported into the future and ending up at a Renaissance fair, and just getting horribly depressed about your life because these people are making a mockery of it and tracking down some fair wench, which is not the sort of term you'd even use because real knights don't talk shi= like that, and asking her to make sweet love to you in yonder alley and having her laugh in your face, and then trying to return home to your house and just get on the internet for a while to complain about how life is hard as a middle aged knight living in the twenty first century only to discover that Verizon sucks. Huh. I guess the analogy ceased being an analogy at some point and just became me, rather oddly, going on and on about not having the Internet. It's good to be back, but I'm going to miss corsets.

Something I wrote in the early days of owning a house. Those were sweeter days indeed, and you'll be able to identify the romantic/idyllic attitude I had about our domain at first. Ex below: From on or around October 29.

The only thing better than actually spending money on a new house is the incredible amount of money you spend in your head on a house. Owning your first home is when you first realize that you were born for greater things and that through some cosmic mishap the good Lord has not gifted you with insane amounts of money that will allow you to put in the track lighting, tile, granite, patio/indoor disco bar/heated pool that you deserve.
We already spend a decent amount of money on getting the floors refinished but already we’ve spent money on a charming new patio, some area rugs (the fact that I’m even using the term area rug is a good sign that things have gone fairly awry for me in life. I mean, do other rugs exist that don’t cover area? Are these rugs invisible? Do they not take up space?), track lighting, and of course the ever-present pass through to turn the kitchen from the dank galley of a ship into the wide open top of a carnival cruise liner.
Upside of owning a home:
For the first time in our six plus years of marriage I finally have a defined space to call my own. My defined space is the basement. The basement has quality stick on tile, dim lights, and it’s beneath the foundation of the house where the sun never dares shine. I guess the moral of the story is that when you are just beginning to have set places in your home you don’t get to start at the top. In fact, sometimes you have to start at the bottom. I’ve noticed that “my defined space” is also the current repository for all of the junk in the house, and I feel like S might consider my space (why the quotes above but not here? Damn people and their inconsistent quote use!) a bit less of a priority than her kitchen. But riddle me this, when man was first learning to cook where was he? Was he in a nice sun-filled room with adequate counter space and lovely appliances? No, he was in a dimly lit cave that was possibly a little bit damp, with a moose head on the wall. That’s right, the basement is the original kitchen. I’ll see if I can talk S into putting in a fire pit.
Down side of owning a new house: Opening random doors and discovering various items that should never have been painted over. The attitude of previous generations apparently pretty much being, paint cures all ills. And what it can’t cure carpet can take care of.
Also, these houses built in the 1940’s don’t have three prong adapters. Come on nineteen forties home builders, you should have seen this innovation coming. For crap’s sake we were on the moon a scant two to three decades later. You’d think that these guys would have seen the trend was moving more in the direction of innovation. As such, we’re replacing all of our two-pronged adapters with four pronged adapters to stay ahead of the curve. Whoever buys this house in 2060 is going to thank us.
Also discovering that various outlets are wired to immediately short out and that the previous owner must have gotten her box spring upstairs by grinding it on the carpet. Unfortunately, as you’ve just spent willy nilly (the fact that I’m using a term like willy nilly is a good sign that my life has somehow gone awry) on a brand new hardwood floor, you’re reluctant to follow suit. And thus, you’ve got a sweet looking floor that you’re actually afraid to walk on, and that is preventing you from sleeping on a box spring. Thus, as you sleep on just a mattress in your upstairs bedroom and walk down into your living room devoid of furniture it occurs to you that you might as well start growing pot because your bohemian lifestyle has already begun. More uses for the basement….