Cherry blossoms are pretty much the sole reason that the good Lord invented Washington, D.C. A lot of other folks would have you believing that D.C. is the political capital of the most powerful country of the world, but those people just haven't seen a cherry tree in full bloom.
M: I went to the cherry blossom festival!
F: Why in the world did you do that?
M: I guess to enjoy the crowds and stuff.
F: I mean, they are just trees.
I think we should move Inauguration Day to coincide with the cherry blossom festival. I think I speak for most people who live in the city when I say that I wish we could just get more people from all across the globe for these events. You've probably never seen a picture like this have you:
That's right. You can frame the Jefferson Memorial with cherry blossoms!! I'll let you all bask in the glory of that picture for a while.
Recommendations to future visitors for the cherry blossom festival:
1) Visit during the middle of the week. Though this will cause you to miss egregious crowds, you will still get to see blossoms and take a picture of the Jefferson Memorial. If you can pull this off the Jefferson Memorial may not be marred by fifty thousand school kids like it is on the weekend.
2) If you have to visit the festival on the weekend I recommend that you have someone else drive. Don't take metro because you'll feel like a damn sardine. And when you finally get down to the blossoms you'll not be able to enjoy them because you'll be trying to wipe the stink of all that humanity off yourself. However, if you can ride in the back seat it's the best way to go. Taking a solid hour nap while your guides weave through city obnoxious city traffic is really the only way to go. By the time you awake, just as you are about to pull into a parking spot, you can sit up, wipe the drool from your face, and comment on how lovely the blossoms are, and how fast you got there.
3) It's probably best to bring some sort of flamethrower to the festival. I know. I know. It sounds crazy, but someone in your friendship group has got to have a Hummer. Anyhow, I recommend utilizing the flamethrower to ignite one of those trees because you're going to have some people scattering. Think how pretty that will look? All the blossoms falling in the wind and the people mimicking that movement? Wouldn't that be a nice juxtaposition? Plus, you get to use every high school English teachers favorite word, juxtaposition. Oh lovely. Besides which, I think a shot of the Jefferson Memorial as framed through a flaming cherry blossom would at least be unique.
4) Eat beforehand. As it turns out the food at the cherry blossom festival is pretty lackluster. I don't mean to impugn the food carts that line the street selling old muffins, bagged chips, cheap hot dogs, and pretzels, but that food is nasty. I'll grant you that a part of me loves that sort of food, but because of my typically liberal reading list, I'm averse to trans-fats and non-organic and non-local food. I'm also averse to stomach aches.
5) If the weather is going to be hot bring a sunbrella. Sunbrellas are pretty much the shi- because you will be one of only a few people to have thought of it and everyone else is going to be looking at you and thinking, "Damn, I should have brought a sunbrella." And yes, I realize the trees give an ample amount of shade, but you really can't beat the kind of opportunity that the cherry blossom festival presents in showing off your new fashion sense. It might also be a good time to sell cassette tapes of your new rap song, or a really nice painting of the Jefferson Memorial framed by a flaming cherry blossom tree.
6) Bring a bunch of language guide books. You're going to feel like an international traveler down at the blossom festival. Don't miss the chance to try out your budding love of Japanes or Hindi with the visitors. I'd suggest picking your three favorite languages and then seeking people out of those particular ilks and seeking to converse with them/take pictures with their family. People love this sort of thing. I also noticed a fair amount of people speaking British. Follow these people closely as Brits always possess a dry wit and can turn an awful day at the cherry blossom festival into an Oscar Wilde play.
7) Don't go to the festival at all. Just drive the local streets until you come upon one that is lined with cherry blossoms. Park your car on the side of the street in front of a house with a white picket fence. Bring a blanket and a book. Watch the wind shake blossoms from the trees, watch them flow like water down the dark street. Pull out a camera and take a picture of a house framed by a cherry blossom. Imagine what it would be like if Thomas Jefferson had lived there.
8) Take a shi- ton of pictures. Even after you run out of film be sure to keep posing for pictures and acting irritated when others walk in front of you. Loudly say, "I guess we can just crop it no matter how far away the person was when the picture was taken. Request that other families take pictures of you then complain about the outcome and ask them to take another one. See how many tines they can be prevailed upon to take pictures of you and yours and then rate their kindness based on the outcome. "Too bad buddy, this is an MTV show, if you would have just taken one more photo you'd have won ten thousand bucks." Start asking random strangers to be in your picture. Point vaguely to your spouse/kids etc. and say, "I've got enough shots with this crew." Hug the person tightly to you and say good naturedly, "look at those ugly mugs." Insist that you remember them from college despite their protestations. Offer to post the pics. on your Facebook page, ask if you can friend them.
8) For crap's sake if you actually go to the cherry blossom festival be sure to berate it afterwards. Comments such as: They are just trees. I hate crowds. People in general, displease me. And, did you see all those damn kids? are all approved. This practice, largely engaged in by my fellow blossomers this year will hopefully result in a lower turnout next year and a finer festival for the true die hards.
9) The strange thing is, that the festival, overwhelming as it is, is something you will remember. It serves as a marker each year. You will remember your first festival, and how many you've skipped in between. It is a part of living in this particular city, something uniquely D.C. So even if it's only to grouse about it, the festival matters to you in a weird way. It is not just some other weekend. It is the weekend when you either brave the crowds and go festivaling, or the weekend when you stay inside, drinking something cold, and reflect on what a wise decision you've made in not attending the festival.
Fiction (Cont.)
You’ve got the eye of Hera, the wing of a peacock. Stay seated just like that. Try to forget that I’m paying.
I was on the balcony at my apartment with a couple of friends polishing off a bottle whiskey—aqua vitae, Water of Life, Latin root traceable to the fourteenth century, distilled first by monks, the most inveterate of alcoholics. The night was crisp, cool. We were seated, Jerry, Steven and I, around a circular black iron table. It was the sort of thing you see in magazines like Country Living. The table had an onlay comprised of some sort of faux marble upon which we slammed our glasses down emphatically between shots.
the cherry trees were provided by the japanese in
ReplyDelete1920???1950???
not only is the food lousy but very expensive
is a sunbrella related to a duvet?
they were speaking british...isnt that english?
like they were speaking mexican??
have strangers take pics and then criticize their photographic skills..then run!!