Seven

Seven. Not only a great movie, but also a pretty solid age. Did I get the movie reference right this time? Anyhow, the coolest part about this picture is the background. That's right, it's Jane Austen time. I'm wearing my mountain man shirt and just chilling on the fence, very naturally, with some sunlit trees in the background. Made up nature is so much more refreshing than real nature. I think for our next vacation we'll just head in to Olan Mills and have them take some candid shots of us in front of a bunch of cool stuff. Think of all the money we'll save, and how jealous everyone will be that we had such an awesome time on vacation in so many places. Then we can take the money that we saved and take a real vacation without taking any pictures at all, just enjoying the scenery and culture without having to take a picture of every damn thing!
Interpolation:
M: Don't make shi- up.
S: I didn't. I read it somewhere.
M: Sounds like a reliable source.

You are seven years old. In this year you will write your name on the board for the one and only time in your life. It starts with a pinch from the kid who used to make fun of you in kindergarten. You are seven, and you know that this is wrong, so you take your fingers and pinch him back. The two of you are pinching one another in a progressively harder manner. One of you, you don't think it was you, begins to cry. Your teacher, Mrs. Wallace is in her first year and slightly overwhelmed. Thinking back, you can't imagine she lasted for more than a few years after that. She didn't really like kids. Or maybe she loved them, but they drove her up the wall. You remember that she was uncertain. Or maybe you don't. Maybe it is a think your mother told you on that day when you made the long walk to the white board and scrawled your name on the board. And for the rest of the day your face was tinged with red, and as you tried to focus on addition and subtraction, your eyes kept wandering to that little corner of the board where you had written your name. Your shame, etched in dry erase marker.

You don't remember much else about this year. Just this tense young woman trying to go about the business of teaching and flubbing it. You are sure that you got some more friends and scored some goals for the soccer team. You played tether ball against the boys and a girl who wound up becoming a professional tennis player. She was good, but you don't ever remember losing to her. You probably did. But you are too young to remember the failures like you will do later in life. At that age, you remember the success. The things you did well. Your penmanship is still atrocious. The playground is slightly smaller, and you look forward to being a third grader. The big guys at recess.

Negatives-Mrs. Wallace.

Negatives-Writing your name on the board. Even you kind of thought you were a perfect kid after first grade. It probably happened to other kids weekly, perhaps it is the indelible mark that it left on you that makes you such a teacher's favorite.

Positives-The expectations are still pretty low. You can wear a mountain man t-shirt without anyone noticing. Hygiene is still an optional thing. You can shave your side burns off and people think it's kind of cool.

Negatives-When you are seven you are standing on the cusp of childhood. For the first time you really know that the world is composed of hierarchies. The mere fact that you envy the the kids in third grade is probably a bad sign. An introduction into the worst parts of human nature. When you see yourself as falling short of the other.

Positives-You can still wear themed underwear without it being even remotely problematic. The Thunder Cats are still on television. G.I. Joe and Transformers are probably on only on Saturday's, but they live in your mind in the time in between. What the hell happened to cartoons anyway? In your teens shows like Power Rangers are on. The Transformers would have shot the hell out of those weirdos. Everybody knew that Captain Planet was strange, you only watched it to see how these weird kids would summon the short shorted dude. Cartoons, definitively.

Other Positives-Your knees don't hurt and slide around as if something is torn. If you fall, you are allowed to cry. You are allowed still to wail a bit. You don't cry often.

Other facts-The squirrels will be going the way of the gravestone starting Thursday. Apparently the human folks aren't humane enough to e-mail me back. The three feet of snow is off our roof, but it's snowing again. Oh, and house across the street is for sale if anyone in DC is looking to buy. I promise we'd be good neighbors. Note: We wouldn't dig you out of the snow or anything, but we'd commiserate with you about how much it sucks because that's what good neighbors do.
http://www.redfin.com/DC/Washington/713-Oneida-Pl-NW-20011/home/10052538