Year 9

This picture is subtitled, "In praise of American Dentistry." Or "Thank goodness for dental insurance."
Strangely, I remember thinking in the ninth grade when I got braces that I probably didn't need them. Hindsight is 2010. Wise choice. The thing is, if I was British I would have just been left to cope with my sideways teeth. I probably would have developed a dry sense of humor and floppy hair. I would have been the sort of fellow that everyone wanted to be around at a party because he could offer scathing remarks about people around him in a charming way. Quite frankly, I really should have kept the teeth as they were and moved to England. I blame my mother (mainly because it's fair to blame your parents for everything, like traffic jams and snow storms) for not letting me be cast in the movie "Sideways, a tooth story."

Great moment of the work day. ILL Request for the book "The art of seduction." Status of the book: Lost. No comment.

Other voices in the same room. Rebecca Prosky's joke: Toyota, moving forward....because we can't stop.

A cartoon from my Aunt Janet that pretty much mirrors the idea that this blog was founded upon: buying a house. A wife suggests a remodel of the home to her husband. His answer: (And dammit don't I wish it was mine) We put restroom signs on every bathroom so when a guest asks to use them we say,"Sorry, those are for customers only." Then we demand they buy something or get out.

From S: I love animals followed by an insane amount of blubbering. Apparently the squirrel guy thinks we've almost certainly got a nest up there. He then went on to describe to S that the babies were little and pink and couldn't move. And we're going to kill them. At which point she started crying and claiming she couldn't be there during the termination. This, after insisting that we get it done when I volunteered to do it myself.
M: In response. "Stop being crazy."
S: Blubbers. "I don't kill animals. I like squirrels."
M: "You're acting like one of the kids at my day care. You need to go find a place to sit and think about what you're doing.
S: Crying on the floor.

That's compassion in action my friends.

Later:
M: You know what this lasagna could use? Baby squirrel meat.
S: Face crumbles. Tears ensue.

I love squirrels as much as the next fellow, but you've got to be realistic about this sort of thing. We can't have them chewing through the wiring in our attic and setting the house on fire. So, either they go or we do, and we paid considerably more for the house. However, we rescheduled the appointment, so they have one week to vacate the premises. I'll post an eviction notice soon.

Nine. In this year you change schools. You remember that other kids who changed schools seemed to become instantly popular. They could shed off whoever they'd been and just be new. This does not happen for you. In this year you discover that you are amazing at memorizing the times tables. The other students stand in awe of you. Your teachers confuse this ability to memorize with an affinity for numbers, which causes you tragic (grade wise) consequences down the road.

Your teacher is one of those older women who always smells like smoke and who still colors her hair. You remember mostly, the kid in class who could dance like Michael Jackson, and the day that he threw up. You remember looking out the small rectangular cubical window, to the other boring classrooms beyond. For some reason this is the year that you begin to grow up. You find yourself, for the first time, occasionally bored in school. Not eager to please the teacher but eager for the subject matter to please you. You do well, but what you mostly remember is beating Contra every day after school with Blake. Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, B, A, start.
You should probably investigate this year more. What made it so boring and yet significant. In this year, you start to lose touch with your old friends, your teacher doesn't love you, and school is sometimes boring. You do not yet have a passion to pursue. You are between things. All you can remember is that large rectangular window, the slate sidewalk you trudged up in blinding heat, and feeling alone, alienated from the people around you for the first time that you can remember. You weren't unhappy, you were just kind of simulating the life of an adult.

Positives-You can get away with crooked teeth.

Negative-You're old enough that people start to give you chores like taking out the trash or washing the dishes.

Positives-You can still play all recess long, sweat, and have no repercussions. You don't know any words like Trans Fats or High Fructose Corn syrup. You just know that you love spreading that cheese with the little plastic red stick onto your crackers. You love Gummi bears and the fact that you can come home and watch the Disney Afternoon. The original line-up, none of this Darkwing Duck crap, though you disliked the Rescue Rangers, even then, a sure sign that the squirrels in your attic were in trouble.

Negative-You are on the long slow journey towards becoming a teenager. Alienation, here we come!