Not just a great book by Orhan Pamuk, it's also covering the ground in helpless D.C. That's right, if you live in the Northeast or the Midwest or Canada or Antarctica you've never seen snow like this. Snow piled as high as twenty polar bears standing upright. Imagine the most snow you've ever seen in your life and then multiply it by a really big number. Then imagine how much snow you have. If that's not enough, imagine the ocean, then double it. Then make it snow.
So, yeah. I woke up this morning with a bright look in my eyes. The sun was shining. Little birds were calling each other from the bare limbs of trees. It was great. I put on my big boy boots and trudged outside to take on the world. Unfortunately as I took my second step down our stairs my legs came out from underneath me and I did a full back flop down the last four stairs. It was at this point, at the bottom of the stairs, my back throbbing, that I realized the universe was conspiring against me. So, I went back inside, took off my shoes and started warming up some water.
Later in the day as I shoveled and shoveled and shoveled snow to try and clear a path from our car I had a premonition. Like, Joseph and the technicolor dream coat style. I dreamed that I was going to die at fifty two years old on one of these cold mornings while shoveling snow, my shoulder and elbow throbbing from the injuries of my youth. It was at this point that I decided that I am officially moving back to CA. I'm planning on being on Redfin Santa Barbara in the morning. I'm going to contact our realtor and the squirrel and give them both notice. I'm headed back to the ocean and the sun. Goodbye DC.
So long as no earthquake premonitions strike you, sounds like a solid plan. However, I believe you have to be thrown into a well by your conspiring brothers before premonitions carry any real weight (theologically speaking, at least).
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, rumor has it that global warming will bring the next Ice Age upon us all, regardless of longitudinal status (I believe this was Al Gore's premonition--he's been thrown down the well numerous times, so that's a prediction you can bank on).
We just don't have enough wells in the city. Maybe I should dig one in our backyard. I bet the neighbors would get jealous when they saw me drinking all that fresh well water. Then, if they got too jealous, I could just throw them down that well.
ReplyDeleteI'm not too excited about an Ice Age because I don't enjoy shoveling snow. Otherwise, I'm pretty excited about the return of Sabertoothed tigers and wooly mammoths.