1) Your subscription to GQ. Sometimes I'll be getting ready in the morning, not speedily, though not without grace, and the sun will be coming in the window at a certain angle that makes the morning feel warm and friendly. And then I will look down into the basket next to the sink and see a GQ magazine. And I will start flipping through the pages, slowly at first, then frantically, trying to find a person who is not beautiful. By the end of the session, not more than five minutes, I'll have come to the conclusion that the world is comprised primarily of beautiful people and that I am not one of them.
2) The way that you're always laughing when people are talking. Don't get me wrong, I love it when you laugh when I'm talking. It confirms my suspicion that I have a pleasant personality and am funny and witty. However, when I see you talking to other people, I notice that you laugh frequently with them as well. And I am left to wonder whether I am the sort of person who is uproariously funny, or whether you are just the type of person who laughs frequently. This puts me in a sort of personal conundrum that I'd prefer to avoid.
3) Singing along to music when we're driving in the car. To be fair, it's something that I always do. However, I'd prefer that you not sing along because it tends to interrupt whatever it is that I'm saying, or at least it feels like it's interrupting what I'm saying. And I'm suddenly aware that you would rather sing along to a song than listen to the most important person in the world, that is me, deliver a disquisition on the nature of the universe, or politics, or someone I work with at the office, or how nice the leaves are on a particular oak. And I am forced to ask myself whether I am the most important person in the universe or whether I am just one more leaf on a dying tree.
4) I don't like that you take so much time drying your hair. It's especially annoying because when you don't dry your hair, certain days in summer, it does this sort of half-curled thing that is damn near irresistible. And I'm not saying you should never dry your hair, but I'm just saying that worse things have happened to the world than you just letting it dry in the humid air of an endless summer night.
5) I don't like how you sometimes make me feel awkward in conversation. I am generally very adept at conversing, but sometimes, when I'm trying to talk with you I will feel like a horse's ass, which is not how I like to feel. I will find myself stumbling over things to say and repeating a story that I'd told you three days before, or asking again just what state your mother is from. And I don't know why I have to feel so inept, and why you can't sometimes throw me a lifeline and ask me again where my mother is from or mention again that the weather outside is delightful.
Also this:
2) The way that you're always laughing when people are talking. Don't get me wrong, I love it when you laugh when I'm talking. It confirms my suspicion that I have a pleasant personality and am funny and witty. However, when I see you talking to other people, I notice that you laugh frequently with them as well. And I am left to wonder whether I am the sort of person who is uproariously funny, or whether you are just the type of person who laughs frequently. This puts me in a sort of personal conundrum that I'd prefer to avoid.
3) Singing along to music when we're driving in the car. To be fair, it's something that I always do. However, I'd prefer that you not sing along because it tends to interrupt whatever it is that I'm saying, or at least it feels like it's interrupting what I'm saying. And I'm suddenly aware that you would rather sing along to a song than listen to the most important person in the world, that is me, deliver a disquisition on the nature of the universe, or politics, or someone I work with at the office, or how nice the leaves are on a particular oak. And I am forced to ask myself whether I am the most important person in the universe or whether I am just one more leaf on a dying tree.
4) I don't like that you take so much time drying your hair. It's especially annoying because when you don't dry your hair, certain days in summer, it does this sort of half-curled thing that is damn near irresistible. And I'm not saying you should never dry your hair, but I'm just saying that worse things have happened to the world than you just letting it dry in the humid air of an endless summer night.
5) I don't like how you sometimes make me feel awkward in conversation. I am generally very adept at conversing, but sometimes, when I'm trying to talk with you I will feel like a horse's ass, which is not how I like to feel. I will find myself stumbling over things to say and repeating a story that I'd told you three days before, or asking again just what state your mother is from. And I don't know why I have to feel so inept, and why you can't sometimes throw me a lifeline and ask me again where my mother is from or mention again that the weather outside is delightful.
Also this:
I LOVE YOU TWO ENDLESSLY AND TOTALLY AND FIERCELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI mean you THREE! ALMOST FOUR!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletei thing i hate about you is that you say there are 10 things i hate about you and then list only 5!!
ReplyDeletethe job is only half done..
one laughs when you are nervous or realize that you have only been listening part time..so a laugh seems appropriate
we all sing in the car...too bad only a small percentage of people have a good singing voice..
shave your head or go bald..solves the problem about hair drying
i have trouble remembering what state i'm from!!