Review: The Hobbit: the desolation of Smaug

Desolation seems too strong a term to apply to Smaug in this movie, though I'm fairly certain, "The Monologue of Smaug isn't as pithy despite the internal rhyme. Perhaps, in which the desolation of Smaug is reflected on by those he touched in the past: a memoir. I'd go see that movie in a heartbeat. 

The question that I kept asking myself as I watched the second portion of The Hobbit was, why did he limit himself to three movies? I mean, honestly, inveterate readers are always eager to bend your ear on the complexities of the book that have been missed by the movie. Lord only knows how bereft I feel when watching Game of Thrones without knowledge of the eating habits of the people in various realms. Therefore, why isn’t The Hobbit a five or ten movie tale? I’m as disappointed as you are. I’ve read recently about the slow television movement that’s taking place in Norway. Apparently a large number of people tuned in to watch logs being cut and then added to a fire. I’ve been in the company of several men who appear to find nothing greater in life than gently prodding a fire or moving logs around to keep things going. Me, I just enjoy the heat. However, The Hobbit could be one of the first movies in the slow movie movement. Why didn’t we have more dwarf songs? I don’t remember the book, but they must have spent a good deal more time on the road singing, yes? I mean, the road, beyond the orcs and changelings is pretty dull.

After I’d gotten over the disappointment of no dwarf songs I settled in to watch a pretty good movie. And, to be honest, if the first three movies had never been made by Pete Jackson, I believe I’d be watching The Hobbit differently. As it is, we’re talking Michael Jordan coming back and playing on the Wizards, where the feeling is, yeah, that’s pretty good for an old guy as opposed to, I am watching a transcendent athlete at the pinnacle of his game. That’s pretty much what we’re watching with The Hobbit, Jordan on the Wizards.

The movie is at its best when the camp is in full force. The most delightful scene in the movie takes place with all of the dwarves going downriver in barrels while killing off roughly 1,000 orcs. (What would happen in a battle between the orcs in The Hobbit and Imperial Storm Troopers? Would it just last forever, or would they all end up dead?). Anyhow, as the barrels roll downstream and Legolas jumps on their heads while firing arrows, or as one of the barrels careens over six ledges taking out 100 orcs, it’s easy to like The Hobbit. Hell, it was a kid’s book. Why not have a child’s pleasure in mayhem?

The two bits that go on too long, which is saying something in these movies, are in Lake Town and the conversation with the dragon. The Lake town politics wind up feeling a bit tacked on, and no one bothered to explain in the final scene why the police suddenly decide that they must arrest Bard. It’s patently unclear and confusing, which is basically the cut and paste description that could be used for the scene involving Smaug.

While I’m fully in support of the grand old tradition of having the arch villain wax on and on about their plans to our heroes, the real problem is in the largely unintelligible scene that follows. As in, I can’t actually tell what’s happening on screen. The dragon is supposed to be terrifying, and the special effects are excellent, but my overall sense of the space in the dwarven kingdom is something between ?, and why didn’t they put in any hand rails. What follows is an affront to science and gravity, as no one is singed in less they are hit by the flame, as though the air around the fire wouldn’t be hot, and the dwarves continually jump off cliffs to grab onto chains that hang everywhere. I’d have been more satisfied if I’d known I was going to go see a Cirque Du Solei show. Eventually, not to spoil it, the dragon is turned into gold, which he shakes off to go rain fire down upon Lake Town, leaving the viewer with  the overall feeling of, well, that was a good bit of time wasted to accomplish nothing.

I suppose I should focus on the bits that work. Evangeline Lilly does quite well in the movie, even introducing  an element of interspecial love that probably wasn’t in the books. I don’t remember because I haven’t read them in years. It’s fun if for no other reason than to upset female fans of Lost who always hated Kate’s character for being between Sawyer and Jack, patent jealousy, how else should a lady kill time on an island? And now she’s trapped between Orlando Bloom and one of the dwarves. (I say one of the dwarves because again, they are largely indistinguishable. This movie actually does a better job of sussing out who is who. However, at the end of the day, what seems a grand gesture in the book when the dwarves stay behind to tend for Kili winds up seeming strange in the movie. Wait, so which guy is staying? He likes herbs? Huh, with the beard.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t actually go see Smaug light up the screen. See what I did there? I’m just saying that it’s already been done, and better, by, you know, the same guy. We’re not talking Star Wars level drop off here, but we’re certainly talking about something less than the original. It’s hard to measure up against a genius, especially when that genius is you.