Game of Thrones

This episode was heavy on exposition, primarily because of Tyrion's trial. However, it made me wonder halfway through whether I should switch over to watch one of the CSI's to see a more nuanced portrayal of the justice system. That said, the reward, which was not really the plot point, but Peter Dinkleage's wonderful and sneering portrayal of Tyrion as he threatened everyone in the King's Landing nobility with death was well worth the trip.

However, plot point. We've now had two trials involving Tyrion that have ended with him asking for a trial by combat. Maybe next time he should just skip all the shennanigans and ask for a trial by combat. Wouldn't is save time? Wouldn't it save everyone time? Why wouldn't Sandor Clegane just make himself constantly available at court rooms in order to help dispense justice? It just seems like it's easier to skip straight to the good stuff rather than hearing your lady love stab you in the back. And after how well he treated you, for shame.

I haven't read the books, thank God, happy to have saved myself those forty hours of my life, so I don't know who gets called as his champion:

1. Jaime Lannister

The pros of this one are obvious, he's his older brother, an accomplished swordsman and all around, minus the maybe rape scene, good guy who'd be willing to to the mat for his brother.

The downside is that he's missing his sword hand and would wind up dead. The upside of this is that it would extinguish the Lannister line leaving Tywin no choice but to pardon Tyrion in order to continue the family name. I don't understand the legalities of Westeros as it is, so for all I know Jaime will be fighting for the realm.

2. Brienne

She's got a Valyrian steel blade and bested Jaime in hand to hand combat.

The cons are that she's out on the open road with Podrick, which kind of makes her a non-starter, and I'm still not sure about her haircut or Jaime's for that matter. Tyrion needs someone to fight for him with excellent hair.

3. Bronn

He's a dirty and good fighter who already saved Tyrion's bacon once.

Con-I don't know if Bronn would actually fight for Tyrion again. The upside isn't nearly as good. He's in a decent spot now and could probably find work elsewhere without putting his neck on the line.

4. Jorah Mormont, Jon Snow, the ghost of Robb Stark, Sir Barrisan, the white walker version of Benjin Stark, Nedd Stark's head, Dany's biggest dragon

Pro-While I think any of these options would be good, I'm not sure if they'd qualify due to distance, death, or general creepiness.

5. And probably the choice here: Prince Oberyn.

One of the downsides of hearing all the testimony from various turncoats is that we didn't get more cross-examining from Prince Oberyn, who was limited to asking Shea whether she provided good sex to Tyrion after he asked. I feel like Prince Oberyn was ready to have a good time and Tywin kept cutting him off. He's probably where we're going with the trial as we've already heard how great a warrior he is, and he doesn't care one bit for the Lannisters.

The episode begins with Stannis Baratheon, King of the Andals, something something of the first men, guy who looks perpetually unhappy or is it slightly constipated. Whatever is happening with Stannis better happen soon because we're in Season 4, and it's about time for him to do something besides look sour and watch Sir Davos save his ass. While I'm intrigued by the Iron Bank, I'm equally troubled by the ever expanding GOT universe. At some point the field must begin to narrow, and yet, here we are watching Mycroft Holmes negotiate for the future of the realm. I think it's pretty much a shoe in that Benedict Cumberbatch will voice the dragons for the final season.

And now to sex. Sex is one of the more pleasurable things that human beings have invented, somewhere above squash and below badminton. And yet, in GOT, no one is ever engaging in a quiet afternoon of sex followed by a long nap. Rather, in Ramsay's case they're being clawed to pieces by his human hunting girlfriend or lounging about delivering exposition. And welcome back Saalador Saan the sex pirate. This seems like an obvious shout out to Andy Greenwald over at Grantland who probably writes the best GOT recap. However, his return is ignominious. In part because he has to deliver so much exposition instead of enjoying the fact that he's about to engage in some sex. I just want to know if anyone ever enters a brothel or their bedroom and comes out not having spoken more than a few words or whether they're all exhausted from having to deliver up an explication of their day before doing the deed.

From the scene with the sex pirate, which allows me to elide the continual rather fantasy-sided presentation of the female sex is the story of Yara. I've complained about some bits on Thrones, particularly the Theon torturing and at time Bran's slow plot or Stannis' battle with his bowels, but I've been told by readers that they pay off. And yet, is it worth the time? For instance, apparently Yara has a rather wicked backstory that would allow the show to provide another nuanced and strong female character, which might counteract the claims of misogyny thrown at the show and its creators. But instead we watched Theon have every part of his body flayed. The show is so large that we can forgive such mistakes, but waiting six episodes in to rejoin Yara's quest, only to have it abandoned so quickly feels like a calculated miss. Hey, remember her? Yeah. Okay, bye! In fact, I thought the actress did a wonderful job portraying a strong female character and her speech was inspiring, but we were introduced and ushered off stage in about ten minute's time.

Yara encountered Theon, still very much the creature of Ramsey Bolton. Note: though Ramsey is pretty much bottom of the barrel I half admire the glee that the actor is portraying in his nastiness. He's not quite Joffry level obnoxious, but it's an interesting take. And now he's convinced Reek to go back to being Theon. There was something alluring about watching him give Theon a bath, and Alfie Allen is pretty adept at displaying a wide range of emotions.Yay, all the torture porn paid off....oh wait, no it didn't.

Can we all just agree that if we got a shot of a random villager than nothing good will come of it. Oh look, those guys are herding sheep. Wait, it's a CGI budget being blown. At least this time the characters didn't wind up being a midnight snack. I've read elsewhere that George RR Martin intended to show how war has unintended consequences on the poor and underprivileged. The show constantly reinforces this with scenes of pastoral beauty or love cut short by murder or dragons eating goats. I guess the point is, if innocent people are walking about, something or someone is about to get eaten.

Meanwhile Dany is going through the difficult and boring job of ruling. Okay, I'll pay you back for your goats. I will not apologize for crucifying your innocent father, but okay, you can bury him. You could see the mental wheels turning, trying to figure out the impact this decision would have. It's the plot of Antigone, which is the original Game of Thrones, but Dany makes, maybe? the right decision and allows the nobleman's son to cut him down and bury him. However, the point is, ruling isn't fun. Maybe she should just get in her ships and take over Westeros...I doubt it though. She's elsewhere for the long haul.

After a meeting of the small council Varus is reminded by Oberyn that he is from Essos. And Varus, in a very unVarus like move, casts his eyes at the Iron Throne when he speaks of his true desires. I've long suspected, since season 1 when Arya overheard him talking that he's secretly pulling for the realm to be taken over by Dany and the people from the East. I think he's biased that way, but I suppose time will tell.

The trial scene was long, even by GOT standards, comprising the last 18 minutes of the show. In that time we learn that everyone Tyrion has crossed, or merely minorly pissed off, hello Shea, is ready to turn state's witness against him, except his brother, who is willing to give up his longtime love of his, uh, sister, to become the ruling Lannister down the line. However, Tyrion screws that all up when he's pushed to the edge by the backbiting and lies. And, as I started this post with, the acting of Dinkleage is pretty much off the charts. You really believe that he'd like them all to die. 

Where are we now? I don't know. A lot of shi- is still happening all around the globe. Remember the Brotherhood without Banners? Me neither, but we spent a couple of episodes with them. Remember The Mountain? Me neither, which is good since they had to change actors. Despite being heavy on exposition, all in all this was a strong episode of GOT. One where you get a sense that looking at all the moving parts is as dizzying as gazing down the Moon Door where Rob Arryn has thrown all the bad men. I suppose if I have one take away, it's wondering whether we have enough time to tell all the stories that need to be told. They've promised that the show will be seven seasons, and I'm already wondering if that will be enough, or whether we'll wind up having to be reminded of too much on the last day or asked to forget all that has come before. What I'm saying is, I can't wait to see Nicki and Paolo next episode.