Oh! The Places You'll Go

We have a three levels in our duplex, which clearly makes us rich. I used to always think of how rich people with multiple stories house must have been. Turns out they just had higher heating costs. I never read that story, oh the places that you will go, but I'm fairly certain that a rewrite is in order for new home owner's.

Oh the places you will go. Congratulations, This is your year! You've been married for a while and you don't drink beer.

So the bank may have taken all your money. You may think in you're in the clear. But oh wait, it's Home Depot somehow approaching from the rear view mirro.



Your wife can steer you in any direction that she chooses. But no matter what you'll end up spending more money on whatzits and hoozes. You'll argue about lighting late into the night. You'll walk down an aisle and have a big fight!

You'll be on the drive home.
You'll be imagining new lights.
And suddenly you'll realize you were not meant for such plights.

You'll look at carpets. She'll like the one with stripes. She'll like the one that you don't because it is her womanly right.

You'll stew in the living room, you'll talk about art. She'll pull you close and whisper, "Tea light."

You'll look at end tables but buy not a one. "We're gathering information," she'll say.

We're gathering information she'll say, we must find the right one. "I'm dying inside," you'll proclaim this shopping is no fun!

And everything will not be perfect, you'll be starved and uptight.
Your wife will remind you your going to Bed Bath and Beyond, a taxi driver will honk and yell, green light!



But life is not always simple as you'll be sure to find. When you go in the store, the lights will make you blind. You'll walk sideways and upwards, you'll grab things Seen on TV. You'll wife will proclaim, "this store was made for me!"

You'll get so confused just waiting in line. A store clerk will stop you and say, "Are you finding everything just fine?"

Some days will be like that. You'll just want to shout, you'll want to be like King Learn and put both your eyes out.

You'll move strange lamps into the rain. You'll smell a candle and decide they are mens bane. And just then your wife will shout, "Pull the car around. Our bank account is out."

You'll start to drive home in the rain and fog. You'll say something silly as if you were speaking in frog. Your wife will remind you to drive prudently slow. You'll flip off a cabby and off you go!

You'll arrive home at eleven past nine. You'll rue the day you bought yourself this mountain to climb.

And when you are lying in bed, and the doggy dogs start barking. You'll wonder if it's burglars to whom they are hearkening.

And just like that you'll curl up in bed. You'll lay your head on a latex pillow, which for thirty dollars conforms to your head. You'll lie on a cushy mattress and stare up the at the ceiling. You may have some darky dark feelings.

You'll close your eyes in your warm cushy bed while visions of home projects dance in your head.