A checklist of things he remembered.
1. When you’re preparing to meet her don’t panic too much.
2. Don't think about not thinking about panicking. This will only cause you to panic. 3. Don’t comb your hair over the top of your head to hide the bald spot which is so patently obvious.
4. Do not excuse yourself from dinner and then go to the bathroom and splash water on your face.
5. Wink at yourself in the bathroom mirror. It will make you feel like someone approves of you.
6. If she bends down to pick something up, and the hem of her shirt drops, look away.
7. Breathe deeply.
8. Perhaps put a handkerchief in your pocket. A white one. Women from any country find a bit of chivalry appealing.
A sort of traveler’s guide to Paris heavily abridged
The first day we disembarked from the plane and proceeded straight to the train station to purchase our tickets from the conveniently distributed electronic tellers. Though, unless you’ve arrived in Paris with some spare change from your last European vacation, you’ll find the convenient automated tellers a bit inconvenient. I pushed my way up to two different machines and stuffed in my credit card, bank card, and any other card that seemed like it might pay our passage before determining it a loss. We then went into the conveniently located train station where one person was helping roughly the population of South Dakota to purchase tickets out.
One of the first things that I learned on my trip to Paris is that it is important to sleep before seeing the sights. I remember Notre Dame as if through a fog. The day was of course sunny and bright. And to be honest, my hair had seen better days. Thus, after seeing the towering spires of Notre Dame, we traveled over to the church of Sainte Chapelle to see where the crown of thorns had been purchased for (insert) by Louis (IX)? Stopping along the way to purchase a crepe from a very brusque French lady who may have thought we were deaf and dumb. It was never clear.
The plane descended smoothly into the airport at Newark. On the sidewalks below, structures that had looked like metal brontosaurus were slowly coming back into view. And Paris, Paris was just one more thing that was now over. A place to tell other people that I had been. And we can admire it now, from the quiet of an American Starbucks, our fingers laced together to gather warmth, that city a hazy idea in our minds.
The First Line to a story that I promise was going places if only I could have written more than one sentence.
"And I assure you that he spoke so highly of you that I myself nearly fell in love with you."
The Beginning to a story that I've written poorly five separate times.
She had started thinking about it while she was at the zoo. It probably had something to do with reading that story about the tiger who jumped over the moat and mauled people. She held her hand against the railing. It was cold and felt dirty. The sun was near its zenith, and her friends were both wearing hats. She had a sinus headache. It was like she was wearing a mask on her face.
“I heard they had it coming,” her friend said, gesturing to the tiger.
“Typical male,” her other friend said, laughing a little.
“How far do you think a tiger can jump?”
“That’s why they’ve got the netting up.”
“You don’t think a tiger could cut right through the netting?”
“I know almost nothing about tigers.”
“I know they could cut right through this netting.”
That wasn’t the sort of way that she wanted to go. She’d long had an irrational fear about being eaten by a bear. Any time she wandered someplace that even remotely resembled the woods she obsessed about being eaten by a bear. It was central to who she conceived of herself being, this irrational fear of bears.
“But bear cubs are so cute,” her friend reminded her.
“I’m not scared of the gd cubs.”
None of them really knew much about tigers. Most of them worked at office jobs in the city. At night they complained about their bosses and co-workers over expensive drinks. None of them were happy. Nothing was going to change anytime soon.
They all had degrees in impractical things. They would have considered it a compliment to have called them failed artists.
In late October, even when the sun is at its peak it still didn’t feel quite warm enough to her. The tiny hairs on her arm were raised.
They got drinks at the zoo and sat for a while at a table and watched Panda bears munch contentedly on shoots of bamboo.
“That animal should be extinct,” Louis said. “If it weren’t for us humans going around babying the damn things they’d have already kicked off.” She wasn't sure if pandas counted as real bears.
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