It's been a while

It's been a while since I put fingers to keyboard and mind to blogging. If you're like me you haven't missed my blog at all. However...I suppose I don't really have a however. Writing a blog is like taking your dog out for a morning walk without a bag in your hand. Okay, so the metaphor sort of breaks down rather quickly, or you wind up w/ shi- on your hands. Unless the keyboard is covered in refuse it definitively breaks down.

King James Bible
"And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry."

5:58 A.M. Having gotten roughly four hours of sleep a night over the previous three nights I was not as excited as I could have been to hear the lil miss going nuts. Apparently S decided she needed a diaper change and lil s actually wanted to eat...the story goes on. I guess mom's just aren't okay with a kid sitting in poop even if it is waking up the whole dam- house.

6:40? S starts to relay information about what I'm to do with the child on the day, which includes a trip to the swimming pool for a class. I hear none of it.

8:30 A.M. This is why I love my daughter. She knew that I needed more than eight hours of sleep, so she probably just played in her crib quietly for two hours because she loves me. Either that or it's because she's been a bit ill and had trouble sleeping.

8:30-10:00 A.M. We spend the morning eating breakfast together/lying on the floor playing with toys. S calls and claims we need to go to swim class today and reminds me that she'll be upset if I don't.

10 A.M. By this point in time both s and I are getting grumbly so we take a nap. Her grumbly involves more crying and mine involves more grumbly. It's complex. I got to bed secretly hoping/knowing that she won't wake up for swim class and that I'll be off scot free because I am secretly scared of swim class and life in general.

11:22 A.M. Lil s decides to get up in just enough time to allow to attend swim class because she loves the water. However, I'm a bit groggy and struggle to really get things in order. Lil s is not bothered and spends a good deal of time playing with her toes. I put on her bathing suit inside out, the thing looks too small anyway. I forget to bring my lock for the locker room. At the car door a swarm of mosquitoes, fifty to seventy hang out while I put lil s in the car seat. She's already got three bites on her forehead, one on her cheek, and two on her legs. Knowing that, despite the fact that we're running late, I smack mosquitoes around in the car and lil s, who apparently doesn't know the favor I'm doing for her, laughs hysterically, as if I were a clown and clowns were actually funny. By the time I've completed the massacre the child is as happy as can be.

12:05 We're at baby swim class. Amazingly the class is comprised of three dads, counting me, and two moms. That's right. Screw you sexist America always claiming that women have to do most of the house and child work. I don't care what the stats say I've been to one swim class at an aquatic center in D.C. that indicates that all statistics are made up on the spot. As it turns out, sixty percent of dads are teaching their kids to swim on Tuesdays. Yay dads!

12:05-12:35 Swim class. Lil s initially enjoys splashing in the water but after a few minutes she just kind of peers around at everyone and everything. I did not say pees around. And I blow bubbles and generally behave in a manner that is dorky except that I have a little baby around as does everyone else, so it's cool.

12:35-1:00 Being a derelict dad I don't even change her out of her bathing suit. An Australian dad changes his twin boys while I'm at least drying lil s off, and the two little boys take turns screaming and crying and saying that they want a bagel. It is observed that kids don't have the greatest patience/sense of temporality. I walk past with lil s bundled in a towel and get the heck out of dodge.

1:00-5:45 I feed lil s lunch. She's a big fan of cheese and a big fan of smearing avocado on her left leg. It's weird that I have the exact same eating habits. Usually I sweep up after a meal because if I miss a little bit of food lil s puts herself on the clean up crew and enjoys cheese a la floor. This reminds me that earlier in the day, seeing that I was still in a sleep deprived state, lil s crawled around on the carpet picking up lint balls and putting them in her mouth. While I commend her for trying to save us money I did decide that the nutritional value was probably lower than we hoped.

The afternoon is a little blurry. I think lil s was tired but sort of refused to nap. So she's just crawl over to the couch, pull herself up, and cry while I said, "What's wrong baby?" Obviously everything. I think while I was out of town her mother must have told her about there being no Santa Claus. She's taking it hard.

One of the main tricks that I've learned works with a pretty crabby baby is actually paying attention to them. Listen, I've got a fantasy football roster to manage and a few football blogs to read about as well as periodically exchange e-mails with old friends, but it's okay once in a while to get off the computer and play with your child. I promise they'll enjoy it long enough to stop crying, and they'll probably also quickly remember what a dork you are and go back to "reading" a book or frantically chewing on a stuffed animal.