If you're married, you'll discover that it's not the easiest thing in the world to go on a date. This is only partially true. However, trips to Home Depot, or dates where you compare the price of various contact solutions at Target sometimes don't quite hit the spot. You're always trying to scrimp and save because you've got no money and a baby is on the way et al. You're pretty much up a nice creek but with only poo paddles. I figured out how to make it work today.
Wake up early. If you're going to take your wife out on a date it's important to wake up early. You need the element of surprise on your side. It's important to catch her at a moment when she's still a bit tired and hasn't thought of how unkempt the wood floors are and how much the tiles could use a good scrubbing. These are the sorts of things that might take root on a Saturday, and once they are firmly entrenched you will find yourself taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn, and emptying out the ashes from last night's BBQ. It is Saturday and these things are unacceptable.
If you start whining about the day and sighing frequently your chances may improve. Being forlorn about the status of the world is a great way to enjoy your Saturday. Help her with the dishes in the morning to show that you're prepared to help but just not too enthused about doing it all day. Eat the same breakfast as her even if you don't want eggs. Bag up the leftovers in tupperwares like she likes, even though you know it will be thrown away in a day or two. Talk slyly about the impending baby, don't force it, but make it clear that you know that things are going to change that your Saturday's are going to start at 5 A.M.
After a certain point, she'll relent. Maybe because you remind her of her father or maybe because you've got a bit of what she likes to call boyish charm but someone else might just call it selfishness. Now that you're going to the tracks it's important that you prepare lunch, pack the bag and try to think of every eventuality. Bring some fruits and vegetables. Don't just pack the kind of stuff that you'd want. You have to make her think that it is her day. Try to stay downstairs as long as you can, even though you know she's upstairs puttering around. She's no doubt paying bills or worrying over your financial future, so it's important to not walk up those stairs until you're sure that you're going to be late and that she knows it.
When you walk into the room try not to sound too accusatory. Say something like, "Do those bills have a post time?" She doesn't know what post time means, but she's a smart girl, so she'll get gist. Say something like, "Don't bring your purse," to show her that you've been thinking ahead about how this whole trip is going to go. Say, "You just can't trust people at the track," so she'll think that you are knowledgeable and will keep her safe.
On the ride over try not to let her know how giddy you are. Have a discussion with her about literature but try to bring it around to how nice it is to be outside and doing something on a Saturday. Point out the high quality of the air blowing through the car window. Try and remind her that it is good to be alive on days like today. At the tracks, make all the bets. Don't let her choose anything. You did the gd research and now is your time to shine. Let her keep track of them though because she's a hell of a lot more organized than you.
Try to find a spot in the sun that she might like. Don't worry that you don't have sunglasses or a hat. You are a man, and you don't care about things like that. Win five of the six races, but have an embarrassing moment when the two of you are cheering for the wrong horse because you temporarily forgot that you bet on the 3 instead of the 4. Root like hell for the 4 horse and watch it get beat down the back stretch. Look in the program and tell her how foolish you feel. Thank her for being so organized. Cry inside a little for that moment that you lost. The exhilaration of watching over 1,000 pounds of purse muscle tearing up chunks of dirt in the lengthening shadows, watch them move like light through water, like carousels of your childhood dreams. And the heart thumping when you win. Slap hands, exchange a high five. Don't be afraid to take a picture or two even though everyone else at the track is drinking beer and smoking. You're on a date.
And the best part about being on a date at the tracks is you have a chance to win your money back. What other date have you been on that allows you to make the price of dinner? On the way home let her pick the restaurant but throw a minor fit when you come across something that you wanted more. This is not good practice, but the day has been so damn good to you, almost all the horses winning when they were supposed to win, that you cannot believe that things will not continue. Be magnanimous. Eat at some chain restaurant in the suburbs that reminds her of family. Join hands across the table as if the two of you are still young. Say, "I've had a good day," and then close your damn mouth for a minute and enjoy the moment.
I heart this.
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