Week 1

S: I just hope everything is okay.

M: I kind of think that's setting the bar a little low.
One of the most common questions that you get when you're having a child is, "How are you doing? Is..." et al. What people are actually asking is, "were you planning to have this child or was there an accident?" I generally like to let people off the hook rather early by saying, we were planning on it. Though this is probably a mistake, and I should drag it out a little longer. Honestly I was planning on having kids when I was eighteen or so, I thought if would be fun. Then you start getting graduate degrees and buying houses, and you start to wonder if you should ever plan to have kids or if you'll have to wander around town begging for alms if you bring a child into the world. Sorry, I've just always wanted to say, bring a child into the world. It's funny how it makes people squirm a little bit when they're trying to figure out whether you intended to bring a living breathing entity into the world or whether it was some freak cosmic chance because either way it's a beautiful thing.

So yes, we planned it. However, it seems like an ill-conceived plan because neither one of us have ever done this before. I mean, I can plan plan to do anything. In fact, I'm planning to grow wings and fly to Australia, but that doesn't mean I'll have any clue how to get started. Hmmm....Maybe if I passed myself off as a baby in a condor nest....Anyhow, that's for another day. So, on the other hand, we were only planning as far as you can plan.

In other plans, I'm hoping to have a child who is fluent in three languages, is changing its own diapers by the time it's six months. I think two is probably a good age to take over lawn mowing duties. Note: We have one of those old-timey push mowers, so it's not as cruel as it sounds. It's crueler, those things aren't really dangerous, but they take some real leg power to get them moving.

I've got other plans to, but I'm planning on rolling them all out when I run for city council with my dad stache.


S: What do you mean?

M: I was kind of hoping for a mutant or something.

S: Like the X-men.

M: Wouldn't it be neat if our kid could shoot lasers out of his/her eyes?

S: The blood tests came back normal.

M: Hmmm. No lasers. You can't tell me you're not a little disappointed.

S: I'm not disappointed.