Pools?

Things that I swore I'd never do: Change a diaper. I just don't see the point. The good Lord gave my wife two hands, and I'm not the biggest fan of poop. Okay, I've long held, and probably already told the known world about it, this plan to buy one of those large kiddie pools

Obviously we'd shoot the dog first to clear some space for the infant. Anyhow, that sturdy blue pool is more than enough room for a child, who can't even walk yet, to roll around in and drool in and such. But, here's the key, when they poop, the kid doesn't wear diapers in this pool an added benefit of freedom for them, I just take a bucket, fill it with water and douse them. And there you have it. I don't ever have to change a diaper I have a happy and well adjusted child who knows way before other kids that kiddy pools are fun though a little bit strange. I don't really see the downside. And I've had this idea for years, maybe even before I was married. I'm probably going to sell the rites to this idea to QVC. It's a child toy and a baby changing table all wrapped up in one piece of cheap blue plastic!
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I love Odell.

Then again, I also said that I would never clean my bathroom and in the interest of not being divorced I decided to amend my ways. I've also at one time or another threatened to: drive the car off the road in an attempt to teach S a lesson. Not sure what the lesson would have been, perhaps, never drive the car off the road it's a dumb idea.
I also claimed during my teens that I'd eat fast food every night for dinner when I could finally afford to. This was long before Fast Food Nation and Food Inc. and all that junk. It was just the heady days of the early nineties when food was cheap and we didn't ask any questions. I kind of miss those days. I wish someone would release a documentary about how satisfied the cows are to be giving their lives in order to feed the world's dominant species and how it is a good and wholesome thing to make food available really cheaply because all sorts of people in the world are starving. And then they could show some people working in those giant sized warehouses cutting cows apart with chainsaws but really having a good time, talking about who was the best at carving things up and how well they were treated, and humanely. And that they were proud to be doing this thing, and that it was good, and made them feel good. Although, I guess the chances of that movie being made are pretty low because all the media are liberal pawns. NPR I'm looking at you.

But I guess life isn't really about following through on all the threats you make, even though they feel so good at the time. (Insert family guy video here) Peter: I'm going on a hunger strike until you give the workers those benefits! (A few seconds pass) Peter: Are you going to eat that stapler?

See, who the hell needs television when you can just write out all the funny-one liners without that annoying video.

"And I'm not saying that television is vulgar and dumb because the people who compose the Audience are vulgar and dumb. Television is the way it is simply because people tend to be extremely similar in their vulgar and prurient and dumb interests and wildly different in their refined and aesthetic and noble interests."

Too true my man. Now lets all go out and smash some televisions and then read Victorian books by candle light. Who is with me?....

I guess I'll go clean the glass off the floor.
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