Uh...Minus Four Days and counting

Probably the greatest thing about being a few days overdue to have this baby (minus how awesome this must be for Steph to get to hog the baby for another few days) is having people actually disappointed to see you.

P: Oh. Why are you still here?

M: Actually my wife had the baby, and your'e not going to believe this, the thing is crying all the time. It's like, what about my needs tiny little human being? What about my needs? Do you think I like changing diapers all day? I've got big things to do. Big things. And do you know what that new little human being said to me?

P: It's probably best you came in to work today.

Anyhow, there is nothing quite like the feeling of being unwanted to start off a work day in the right manner. The only better way to start a work day is to not start the damn thing at all because they call it work for a reason.

An aside that has very little to do with babies and much to do with me having bad knees that I hope are doing okay when our little bundle of mushy facedness arrives.

At the doctor's office for the second time in the past three months for a messed up knee.

D: Your ligaments are in good shape.

M: That's good.

D: And I don't think we need to do an MRI because last time it didn't turn out to be anything.

M: Okay, that's fine, but what the heck is going on with my knees? Why am I feeling something kind of pull and then having it be sore for two weeks.

D: You're getting old and you're still playing sports.

M: Oh. Is there anything you can give me for that?

I can only assume that when he said getting old he actually meant, "You are looking virulent and strong. You could probably father an entire Abrahamic Covenants worth of children. I admire your vigor and fine looking knees."

In other news, we still don't have a child. I'm now actively expecting S to never actually have this child. I don't sit at work wondering if she'll go into labor. I sit at work wondering when four thirty will roll around, so I can get the heck out of dodge. If this baby drags things on until Monday we'll be forced to miss Thanksgiving as well, and I'll already have something on my "List of ways in which you made our lives harder." It's a list that is a must have for any good parent. S is currently reading a book about attachment parenting, so I'm trying to counterbalance it by reading a book about detachment parenting.

Ex:

B: Crying.

S: That baby is crying?

M: What does it mean to cry really? How am I to bridge this nearly interminable gap between two distant souls and understand that I use a term like souls rat-

S: Change that baby!!!!

I'm pretty excited to learn more from this book!!

Tonight I read a book to the obstinant little girl trying to coax her out int the world to hear more of its ilk. S claims that she's gong to end up illiterate because I have a tendency to just ignore the words and make up the plot as I go along. I think it's going to wind up with her being extremely creative, and we all know how useful that skill has turned out to be for me.

S: Can I get you to help me hang this mirror?

M: Do you want the poem to be in free verse or iambic pentameter.

S: Just hand me screw.

M: That's what-

S: Grow up.


Other things:

M: You know, after seven years I think I've finally figured out both of our love languages. My love language is being left alone, and your love language is bossing me around.