Game of Thrones

That happened. The death of Joffrey, the most highly anticipated television event since Ross and Rachel finally getting together, happened this week on GOT and it was...anticlimactic. I'm certain that some unraveling will have to take place in order to figure out if it was the pie or the wine or the insufferable obnoxiousness (that actor was really quite wonderful at being horrendous, and I'll miss him in a weird way) that caused his death, but I think I speak for everyone when I say that I expected him to be killed by Arya, Tyrion, White Walker Ned Stark, Jon Snow, and one of those wolves that's still alive all at once. This was somewhat of a letdown. 

I suppose I should unravel the rest of the knot first. Naturally we started with Roose Bolton's bastard son, otherwise known as Satan, hunting some girl in the woods and this is no Surviving the Game kind of hunt, it's more the vicious murder type of hunt that leaves you feeling less fulfilled. At least we know he doesn't dislike every woman. And, sadly, we learn that Theon's name has been changed to reek. Can we change it back to Theon? He can still grovel and betray his kinfolk, but can we just call him Theon while he does it? Also, can he wear Rob's wolf head when he does it? No. Oh well. And now that Joffrey is gone, lil bastard Bolton takes up the lead in the "guy who we'll be most satisfied to see killed off soon award." It's a great award. 

Eventually the action shifts to Bran, who appears to be around 24 now, as he gets sledded around in the wilderness while dreaming of eating things like a wolf. As much of a fantasy trope as warging is, I'm not sure it's working. I'd be much happier to spend a bit more time overseas with Daenyrs or watching Breanne fall in love with Jamie than watching Hodor carry Bran around on his vision quest. I'd be worried about Hodor's ability to carry Bran throughout the rest of this journey except that I've seen is penis, which looks large enough to carry around 250 pounds no problem. Is it just me or did it sound like zombie Ned Stark was hiding himself under a tree? Maybe I could be talked into this storyline, if it stopped kind of sucking and started being fun like a Lannister. 

We also got a nice scene with Stannis and the Red Woman having a cook out on the beach where they served up some human flesh. However, this is not the first time we've witnessed such a scene, and it's lost a bit of its novelty. Though I'll never tire of the Onion Knight quietly reminding people that maybe, just maybe, they shouldn't keep burning all of their allies. And then we saw Melisandre telling a little girl how bad her life was, which is pretty much what none of us want to see. We pretty much have this little girl and Rikon, wherever the hell Rikon is, to hang our hats on in terms of innocence, and I swear if Melisandre effs this up I'm going to set Roose Bolton's bastard on her. In short, the main story was in King's Landing, which is all well and good as Stannis and Bran are two of the less interesting stories going on right now. 

The rest of the episode was primarily focused in King's Landing and on the wedding of the king. We got to see Cersei display some of her classic pettiness in insisting that the food be fed to the dogs instead of the poor people. We got to see Loras, who's been hounded for his love of men, get in a nice jab at Jamie for his love of his sister, and yes, I'd be willing to watch a season of the two of them out on the road taking jabs at one another. No pun intended. The ominous scene where Joffrey enlisted the help of other midgets to wage the war of the Five Kings was well-played, as it was a reminder of just how many people he'd been cruel to but also that his cruelty would never end that he took delight in it. 

There was, for pure pleasure on television, no better sight than Tyrion taking Joffrey down six pegs with his wit, making the mighty feel powerless and maybe revealing that he has a shot with Sansa after he sends Shea packing. And Tyrion is at his best in his final scene with Joffrey, deftly using his wit to bring Joffrey to his knees, which is unfortunately where Joffrey insists that Tyrion go in order to serve his wine. I'm not really asking who poisoned Joffrey, everyone in the audience owed him one, but it's interesting to think about in the context of the show, the vast whole now in King's Landing. We all knew that he was never one of the major players and was only taken seriously because he was the king, and yet, and yet, he was the king and now he's dead. It brings to a fitting end his rather short reign, since dragons and white walkers will soon be wandering throughout Westeros, Joffrey just wasn't cut out for a world like that. He was cut out for something more beautiful, a world in which every Stark child stabbed him in the eye. He was too beautiful for this world.