The Ergonomics of cow milking in Sweden/Bottle Strike

Sadly this post it not about the ergonomics of cow milking in Sweden. However, I did receive an article request for said material, and I'm delighted that we have a crack staff of people out in the world looking at things like the ergonomics of cow milking in Sweden.

Other ideas:

1. The incidence of monarch butterfly on monarch butterfly crime in dense forests.

2. The ability of children between the ages of 3 and 3.2 to correctly identify antidisestablishmentarianism as the longest word in countries that were formerly part of the Soviet Union.

3. Twitter.

4. A measure of the inscrutability of New Yorker cartoons for people who live outside of NYC.

5. The effect of mercury on the sexual preference of white ibises. I jest, obviously that's already been done.

I've got lots of other ideas too, but I don't want to put them all out there until after I've published several of them myself.

So, we've been sort of lax in feeding s bottles, and last night she decided that she no longer cared for them. As the spouse currently not on maternity leave do you:

a) Accuse your spouse of lax parenting insisting that they should have known that the child needed to take a bottle more regularly whilst absolving yourself by saying, "One of use has to work." Note: don't mention salaries in this scenario.

b) Admit that both of you bear some culpability in failing to administer a bottle to the child. In this case do not say things like, "I don't know why we couldn't have given her a bottle last weekend." Mention that parenting is a tough job and that you're both still learning.

c) Blame the baby. Insist that it is her ill-temper that is causing the problem. Spend at least ten minutes shoving a bottle into her mouth while she screams back at you in the sort of voice that means "screw you dad!"

d) Blame the bottle. Sit down with the bottle and talk to it. Explain the virtue that is achieved when an object is used as it's supposed to be. Pat the bottle on the back and tell it to give the baby one more chance.

e) a-c, with an emphasis on b.

In conclusion, s is apparently on what the books call a bottle strike or what I call "an opportunity to show your baby that your will is stronger because she's not always going to know what's best for her in this world of ours, and we, as parents, need to show her the way that things ought to be done and if that means that she screams and starves for an hour until she takes the bottle then so be it."

In retrospect I can see why they went with bottle strike. It's a little pithier. I'm already looking forward to the battle that s and I will be engaged in upon my arrival home. I don't think she stands a chance. She's not even two feet tall. This is a classic David vs. Goliath matchup.

David: Excessive screaming

Goliath: Irritation at being thwarted.

David: Pretty damn cute when she smiles.

Goliath: Not entirely immune to said smiles.

David: Almost bald.

Goliath: Has an advantage in the hair department.

David: Inability to shove the bottle away with her hands.

Goliath: Ability to manipulate objects using his hands.

David: Ability to not swallow milk.

Goliath: Ability to keep pouring milk into David's mouth until she starts choking on what is either milk or her own little screams at which point he wimps out and starts comforting her until she stops crying at which point he rejoins the fray.

David: Getting cuter.

Goliath: Getting older.

It should be fun!