Lacrew: the sport of future senators

After giving myself yet another tremendous haircut.

S: That's too short. Your hair was just starting to look good.

M: I don't want to spoil you.

Interpolation about sticks and the sun. A common refrain in our relationship.

M: It’s too bright today. If I had a stick long enough I’d poke out the sun

S: We’d all die in about eight minutes

M: It seems like a small price to pay for not having to put up with that dam- sun for eight minutes.

S: Yeah. Good point.

We recently paid an exorbitant amount of money to have a fence installed in our backyard. We had the fence installed because I am not handy and because s needs a place to play where the neighbor's dog doesn't bark at her. Sadly, in the recent windstorms our exorbitant fence came a bit loose and is now bowed over. I assumed that people put fence posts in concrete, but it appears that my fencing company thought dirt would be enough. Ah, nothing like money well spent. Luckily I sent an e-mail to the company and they agreed to come out and fix it with this lovely response.

I'LL PUT IT ON THE SERVICE LIST...IT WILL BE WITHIN A WEEK...NOT UNCOMMON GIVEN THE RECENT STORMS/60MPH WINDS IN LOOSE MUDDY GROUND...I'LL HAVE A TECH CHECK IT AND SECURE THE POSTS...

I was really enthused about this message because internet shouting is awesome. Nothing like the old caps lock key mashed down to make me feel like things are going to get done. I'm also a big fan of the ellipsis here, and am probably going to turn this into some sort of plagiarized poem.

In other news we're having the fridge guy out to fix the same problem he fixed nine months ago. And I'm listening to the squirrels serving each other tea in our attic and reflecting on the six hundred we spent last year to get rid of them. The only satisfaction that's better than a job well done is a job done crappily and quickly.

I've got a couple of ideas that I'm going to share with the internet. Hey internet! But I don't want anyone to steal them. After watching the Social Network and realizing how awesome pretentious colleges are, I decided that I needed to come up with some sort of way to be cool and east coasty. You see, we lack that sort of pretension about colleges where I'm from. Anyhow, I'm going to start a lacrew team. It combines the douchiness of Lacrosse players, yay Duke, with the high falutin obnoxiousness of English men rowing. I really think the sport is going to catch on.

What's better than being on the Lacrosse or crew team? Being on both, at the same time. Lacrew. The only thing I haven't figured out is how exactly lacrew is going to be a sport, but I consider it a minor detail. The initial thrust is all about branding, and I don't think it gets much better than lacrew.

Parenting 101: Crying it out

You know what sucks? Letting a child cry it out. Why? Because it hurts your heart and your ears to listen to them crying. I think I need to invest in a pair of those noise canceling head phones if we're going to do it. I don't know why people don't tell you that noise canceling headphones are an absolute must have when you've got a child. Probably because it makes you sound like a negligent parent. However, add this to my list of things you need when having a child.

1) Car seat, duh.

2) Bassinet. A plastic tub will do.

3) A lacrew stick. Every man woman and child from some snobby place on the east coast is going to be playing lacrew. Don't let your kid get left behind.

4) Noise canceling headphones. Don't be caught listening to your child cry without them. Why? You might actually hear the crying.

5) Patience. This will come in handy. I wonder how much patience is going for on the black market because I'd purchase some.