MSN Mondays

I'm pretty excited about today's topic from MSN. Yes, I have already written the definitive blog post on hair styles that still gets page views from people trying to look at how awesome Zach Morris' hair was on Saved by the Bell. However, I think it's fair to say that hair is in my wheel house. Therefore; without any further ado, in conjunction with MSN and hotmail and other corporate sponsorship from Vidal Sassoon and Paul Mitchell I present: 16 New Things to do with your hair

1) Curl it. I know simple right. No, apparently it takes a really long time to curl your hair and oh, how annoying. False, if you have straight hair just move to a place where it's humid. You're going to quickly find that your hair is awesomely curly without all the hassle of waking up early with a curling iron. Or, carry a humidifier around with you and wear it inside a stylish hat, so that your hair is constantly getting the sort of humidity it needs to be curly without all the hassle.

2) Straighten your hair-Uh, this one's a little tougher. You probably will just have to wake up early in the morning and straighten it, but don't forget to try and convince everyone that the whole process was effortless because no one likes vanity. Unless that vain person is super hot and should probably be even more vain.

3) Side pony tail. No, we can't all look as good as Debbie Gibson, but you're going to have to learn that life doesn't always give you lemons to make lemonade. Sometimes life just gives you a poo poo platter and nobody wants to eat or drink that. So put your hair in a side pony tail and take up buddhism and learn to love you a little more.

4) Wait, these are supposed to be new ideas not just recycled ones. Okay, how bout putting your hair up in a beehive like Marge Simpson. But, get this, you have a small family of squirrels living inside the beehive. No, bees. Actual bees. Imagine if your hair had a bunch of honey bees in it. Yeah, that's a good idea.

5) Concrete your hair. Why? You're totally going to enjoy your saving, but imagine dunking your head in some cement. I mean, like style it really awesome ahead of time because your going to have this hairstyle for the rest of your life. It's pretty solid though, look at how good it still looks on The Thinker.

6) Try a new barber. Yeah, I know you got your guy. But guess what? Your guy ain't going to give you what you need. You think your guy is keepin up with Parisian styles? No, he ain't. You're leavin' without even gettin' your hair layered with some squiggly lines in the back. Your guy just cuts it the same damn way ever time. Switch.

7) Go into the barber shop. Sit down with a series of photos. When you finally get up to your seat hold up a photo of an elephant and say, "I want to look like him." When the barber laughs, mention that you can take your business elsewhere. Point out the fine comb over that the elephant is pulling off effortlessly. Complain after the haircut that you don't look like the guy in the picture.

P.S. This elephant has the exact same hairstyle as Sadie.


8) Take in a picture of Taye Diggs' abs. Insist that you want to look like that.

9) Comb over. It's gotten a bad rap. The comb over is a totally underrated hairstyle that can be made to look good year round.

Nope.

10) Go into the barber shop with a pair of scissors. If you're balding cut out a picture of a European model. Insist that you want your haircut to look like hers. Say that you think with the proper layering you think the look can be achieved. Volunteer to just do it yourself with the scissors and to pay them for the use of the shop.

She's too busy dating comb over guy.

11) Cut it all off. Bald is awesome. Awesome.

12) Take a series of photos of people wearing hats. Go into the barber shop with the pictures and say you want to look like these people. When they mention that they are all wearing hats feign confusion. Ask what the heck a hat is. Tell them that if they can't get the job done maybe they're in the wrong rodeo. After the argument has concluded insist on wearing a hat during the appointment.

Uh, look closely.





13) Take in a picture of your great grandparents. Ask them if they're capable of doing hair cuts in black and white. Insist that they use the garden shears that you brought in from home. Ask for an old fashioned shave even if it is Supercuts.

14) Bangs. Simple. Take in a picture of yourself at the age of three. Insist that you used to be cute. Ask for a similar haircut. Leave in a rage when this proves unachievable.


15) Create a celebrity in your mind. Go into the shop and insist on having a haircut that looks exactly like said celebrity's. When they get close to figuring it out say things like, "That kid who was voted off in the last portion of American Idol like before they even get on the show." Later make a similar claim but insist that it was one of the characters from Night Court.

16) Take a picture of yourself on your camera phone in the car right before you enter. Ask for your hair to look like it does in the picture. Try to guess how much they'll take off.