MSN Mondays: Ten Movie Dads We wish we had

MSN Mondays are back with an article about the Ten Movie Dads we wish we had. Thank you MSN for providing me excellent material for my blog. I rise to meet your challenge.

Dad 1) That dad, John Lithgow? from Harry and the Hendersons. He was like, so what if this this giant sasquatch eats goats and is a minion of Satan, he's got a heart of gold. Lord knows most dads would have booted him on the grounds that he effed up the house so royally. I think most moms would have turned him into a rug. Not that dad.

Dad 2) Sergeant Slaughter from GI Joe. He had big ole biceps and definitely would have smoked if he'd been around in the 1970's. Anyhow, he's the sort of dad that would have taught you how to kick ass and wear tight t-shirts and stuff. And, those tight t-shirts would net you all sorts of ladies along with the smoking, which is cool. Also, he could teach you how to do squat thrusts and stuff and a good goal for a realistic body image, which is mondo important with dads.

Dad 3) That dad from the Jetsons. I mean, what the eff was that guy on about? Did anyone like the Jetsons? Were they a pleasant family? I think not. I think his name was George, and if he was my dad I'd probably be just as obnoxious as Elroy. Were they from the south? Did people in the 80's hate dads?

Dad 4) James Bond. Because yeah, he's had his fair share of women, so I'm pretty certain he's got boat loads of kids out there. Anyhow, he'd be a great dad to have because when people asked you what your dad did you could tell them he was an international man of mystery, and everyone would be real impressed until they realized that meant nothing and then your dad could fix you a martini and tell you that it was going to be okay.

Dad 5) Uncle Scrooge-Because when you get right down to it, the man not only loved his nephews, he was loaded, and those kids were going to be rich. You could learn from him about the joys of hoarding wealth and having more than other people. You could talk with him about job creation while swimming in pools of money and laughing because you were so rich that you didn't need to create jobs. That guy would be awesome.

Dad 6) Ugulino della Gherdesca-Yeah, that's right, maybe your dad ate you and maybe he didn't. It's a mystery. Either your dad is a bad ass who died because he loved you so much, or maybe he feasted on your corpse to stay alive. Either way, that's a pretty good story to tell about your dad, even if you are dead.

Dad 7) Tobias as Mrs. Featherbottom-Because you know your dad loves you enough to disguise himself as a nanny and jump from the balcony with an umbrella. Yeah, Tobias as Mrs. Featherbottom would be an awesome dad.



Dad 8) Harrison Ford from Regarding Henry, because after he gets amnesia he's an awesome dad. And wouldn't that be amazing if your dad suddenly went from super douchey to awesome? I'd bet you'd appreciate him a lot more than a dad who was just always awesome you ingrate.

Dad 9) Baloo from the Jungle Book. Imagine if your dad was a bear. You know what little boys do at school? They say, I bet my dad could kick your dad's ass, and you fight about it. But what if your dad was a bear? Well, you could settle it the old fashioned way by having your dad show up to school one day and eat everyone else's dad. That would show them. Although, you might lose your dad to animal control.

Dad 10) Will Smith. Because your dad would write songs about you, and make quasi-crappy movies that netted all sorts of money because America is stupid, and you and your dad could sit around and laugh about how stupid they were and maybe record a song about it and watch it top the charts. Yeah. That's a good dad.


Now let's listen to some music by a Scottish Canadian band and reflect on the fact that winter is sad and that people with Scottish accents really get that. Oh, come on song, stop making me sad.