MSN Mondays: 26 Fun, Cheap date ideas

1) Go to the zoo in Washington, DC. It's free and fun! It gets more complicated if you live in say, Omaha, Nebraska, then maybe just go hang out in a corn field or something. But this is the Washington, DC Blog.

2) Go to the Lincoln memorial and climb up into his lap and ask him for Christmas presents before falling to your death. It's fun, and it's cheap.

3) Go to the Smithsonian museum, you know, the one everyone likes, National History Museum and reenact the final scene from Jurassic Park with the banner falling down all dramatically. Note: The banner should be homemade to save money. Have her stand on the second floor and drop the banner dramatically as you sprint full speed into the woolly mammoth to take the thing down.

4) Protest outside the Smithsonian National History Museum. Ask that all date be amended to show the earth's real age of 6,000 years. Call everyone who enters a pagan. Get lunch from one of those hot dog vendors and eat it on the steps. She'll think you're super fun and interesting.

5) Build your own pontoon boat and take her out on the Anacostia river. If you're like me the boat will probably sink, but then you'll have a fun time swimming through sludge and wondering how you get into these crazy capers.

6) Take her to a Nats game, but don't buy tickets. Insist that it's more fun to stand outside the gate and listen to the crowd roar. Bring your own hot dogs as they'll charge you an arm and a leg there.

7) Don't even go out on a date, just stay inside and play video games. Things probably weren't going to work out anyway.

8) Take her to the Washington Monument and bring a lengthy bit of rope, preferably something found in your attic or garage. Begin scaling it until removed by police.

9) Go to Adams Morgan and buy one of those Jumbo Slice pieces of pizza and share it. But don't do it when all the drunks are around doing the same thing.

10) Take her into Anacostia just so she can say she's been there.

11) Go to the national arboretum and play a rousing game of paint ball. Don't tell her that you're playing. Surprise her from behind from shrubbery. She'll probably laugh, or she might not, but that's life.

12) Go and get a bunch of dogs from the pound and say you want to try them out before adopting them. Pretend like you own a really prosperous dog walking business when you meet her. Call them all Fido. Say it makes it easier on them.

13) These were easier to come up with in Santa Barbara because it was so easy to hike or go to the ocean. It wasn't even a joke. You just had cheap date options. Sigh.

14) Tell her you've made reservations at a really nice restaurant but don't. When you show up and they don't have your name launch into a long diatribe about communism and the works of Michel Foucault. Take her home and eat noodles.

15) Talk her into pretending to be homeless and trying to get food from folks on the street. When you get it, make sure she gives it to a real homeless person, or you should probably dump her.

16) Go to someone else's wedding and see if you can sneak in. I've seen it work in movies. Do the entire dance from Dirty Dancing to any rap song that comes on. If anyone mentions the Black Eyed Peas refuse to do the cool move from the dance. It enrages me that I can't embed this video).

17) Take her to Chuck E. Cheese...this actually works, just steal tokens from little kids. They're careless.

18) Take her hang gliding with a pair of brooms and some sheets you've strung together. Make sure you both have good health insurance plans.

19) Take her to a park and talk about how wonderful the sunset is, even if it's raining. If she tries to ruin the moment by asking if you're ever going to dinner, shush her, and tell her to focus on the quality of the light.

20) Coffee

21) Go to a thrift store and pick out outfits for one another. Haggle over the prices. Everyone loves watching people haggle.

22) Go to a fancy store and try on clothes for hours. When it comes time to check out, pretend as though you've lost your credit card.

23) Same sort of premise but plan your wedding. First dates are best for this one.

24) Take her to a waterfront area with a bottle of wine and spend the evening speaking in British accents and polishing it off.

25) Find the highest free point in the city and go there. Look out at things, pretty lights and such. Be happy.

26) Train a bear to attack you without doing any real damage. Take her to Rock Creek Park and have the bear run out and attack you. Fight it off to impress her! Then have a picnic. After, hunt the bear.