I was told as a youngster that it is good to visualize your goals. To picture them and really see yourself attaining that goal. Ergo; I'm picturing myself swimming in money in the future. That reminds me of the time my fifth grade teacher recommended that all the girls in the class date me and my friend Tommy because we were smart and probably going places. If only Mrs. Weiss knew I'd go on to get an MFA in Creative Writing she'd have changed her tune. Anyhow, I'm picturing myself swimming in all that money. And for good measure I'm also picturing myself as a duck. I don't want to make things too easy on myself.
Author's note: I could look at pictures of Scrooge swimming in money all day. Sigh. I miss the Disney afternoon.
I never imagined the incredible excitement that would arise within the depths of my being on the eve of being a first tome homeowner. A grown ass man as my friends would put it.
8:00 A.M. Arise from bed feeling ready to be a home owner in a mere twenty four hours. Eat Kashi cereal. Mentally congratulate myself on eating a healthy breakfast. Attempt to buy plane tickets from priceline to CA. Realize that Priceline is designed to hook you in but then not deliver the goods. I believe the word is fishtease and it originates in the small reeds of Northeastern pools where a fish jumps from the water but never takes the bait. Or something along those lines.
9:00 A.M. Walk to work on a day where the temperature is in the low forties and the sky is pissing rain. Attempt to do a rendition of Singin' in the Rain but realize that I've forgotten my umbrella and tap shoes. Walk to work in not feeling so hot.
9-11-Process loans while occasionally attempting to buy tickets on Priceline. Fail to buy tickets. Process lots of loans.
1:00-Take a lunch break to celebrate a hard days work. Walk outside. Feel the beautiful forty degree weather blowing gently against my face and walk back inside to the staff lounge.
Note: I generally don't eat in staff lounges as a rule. I don't like eating there because other people who I work with might also be eating lunch there. In general, whenever I get the chance I'd like to get away from the people that I work with. Note: this is nothing to impugn their character, but rather my need to disassociate from the mild soul-crushing that is inherently a part of any job. In fact, if I could somehow have an out of body experience so that I didn't have to sit with myself at lunch either I'd do that instead.
1-1:30-Finish that book of essays I've been reading for a month. The last of which is a list of 100 things the author intends to do.
1. Buy a house
2. Kill the chipmunks in the attic. Do so with war paint.
3. Bring up CA and surfing whenever possible.
4. Never learn to surf.
2:00-4:30-Try to contain giddy (I don't really mean giddy obviously) feeling of painting walls all sorts of greens and blues. Attempt to work but become overcome with the thought of new maple cabinets in which we can put oversized pots and pans. Pass out from giddiness.
4:45-Receive a call from S that we are not going to be settling the next day. The lien is still on the house and a paperwork trail must be uncovered for us to buy the house.
5:00-5:45-Go to the gym and think up contingency plans in case the house falls through.
5:45-Come up with nothing save a vague distaste for Behr paints. Wonder if it's Behr or bear. Conclude that it's probably Behr despite the company logo. Desist in wondering about trivial things. (Obviously a lie. The author is always concerned with trivial things, which typically leads him to conclude that that human existence is some sort of bizarre accident that we delude ourselves into attaching significance to in order to keep going). Note: the author does not think that this conclusion precludes the existence of God.
7:00 P.M.-Come home. Realize that my zest for cooking zucchini and pumpkin bread has been dulled by the rain. Heat up old soup and sit in the dark. Imagine what it will be like to one day own a home. Conclude that though my location, proximity to work, et al will be different that I'll probably be the same. Unless some sort of characteristic that is intrinsic to home owners will be thrust upon me.
8:00-11:00-Try to conclude what the super power will be/get estimates from contractors on doing floors/pass through. Conclude that super power will be hemorrhaging money. Not sure that it is actually a super power.
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