We bought a house today we look different now

I woke up at six A.M. today with a light in my eyes and a giddy-up in my...Edit: I never wake up at six A.M. with any sort of light in my eyes. My eyes are deadened, like something that crawls around on the sea floor and then dies and is used by some other weird looking thing as shelter. That's the color of my eyes/tenor of my attitude when i wake up at six in the morning...step ready to jump into the day that I would become a home owner.

At 9:15 after acquiring a searing sinus headache from oncoming swine flu or waking up too early, we traveled over to the house to do our final walk through. There we found the seller busily moving her stuff out of the house. Which was great, except that she was supposed to already have it all emptied out.
Seller: Do you want some old kleenex?
M: I guess.
Seller: Do you want to keep these curtains?
M: I could wrap myself up in them like a babe swaddled in a blanket? What does swaddled mean?
Seller: so you could use them?
M: Sure. Why not?

We then preceded over to the title company and spent a somewhere between one hundred thousand and four million dollars on a home. S has asked me to not divulge our financial information as she fears identity theft like I fear a shark attack in the bath tub after watching Jaws. S nodded dutifully at the guy who was asking us to sign away our lives while I tried to work on perfecting my signature. C- in third grade. Terrible cursive.

S: I'm glad we saved x amount of dollars. That was a good catch.
M: Do you think my B could have more flair? Does it have enough flair?
S: You do realize how much this costs right?
M: Should I end with a flamboyant line in place of the last few letters?

My vague headache disappeared as we stepped out into the warm air and hustle bustle of Friendship Heights.

M: We bought a house! Said with fervor.
S: What did we just do?

Highlights from our celebratory dinner. Passing a flashing sign that was advertising sconces in Cleveland Park. It wasn't quite neon, but it was the sort of thing that I associate with sports scores, news, firecrackers, or live nude girls. Not exactly sconces. And no, I'm not exactly sure what a sconce is. Maybe it's the sort of thing that belongs in semi-neon. Maybe that just shows how much I still have to learn about the world. Is it a type of hat?

Highlights from day two of yoga:
Instructor: Keep doing those sit-ups. It's eight months until bikini season.
M: Continues dutifully doing sit-ups in a class with an 11-1 female to male ratio. Mentally trying to picture myself in a bikini. Not flattering.

On the bright side my yoga teacher handled the delicate subject of my age with masterful aplomb.

Instructor: You're not a student are you? Said with slight question that implies it wasn't really a question.
M: I'm actually staff.
Instructor: I thought you looked a little more mature.
M: It's suddenly like I'm fourteen years old again, and I've just been told that I don't look twelve anymore. She's taken my age and turned it into a compliment. That's tough to do on a college campus. Genius.

The funny thing about the day that we bought a house is that it felt like any other day except that we bought a house. I woke up, brushed my teeth, went to work and came home. Nothing really changed. And when I say that I hope that any reader understands that what I really mean is that I became a man today. It's the middle class white protestant bar-mitzvah, the day you buy a house. But really, it has less impact right now than if we'd bought a television, because at least we'd be watching the television. Our house is sitting empty and across town while we sleep in our usual bed. How strange that we'll have a new place to call home in eight days. A place where we can spend all the money that we used to spend on trips to Europe....