The Final Countdown: Year 1

In memoriam of my twenties, I'm counting down to the date of my thirtieth birthday. The day that I officially become the old guy in a club. The day that I officially become a man who probably should already have a kid or two if he was serious about it. The day that I become a guy who relies on fouling younger basketball players in an attempt to keep up. The day that I reflect on how much debt I've accumulated and how little money. The day that I. Well, this could go on forever. Let's remember some better times.

As you can see in the picture above I was pretty excited about being one. I don't remember much, but I've spent a bit of time around one year olds of late. Likely people gathered around me while I drooled on a blanket and marveled at the amazing things I could do.
"Look at him roll over! He's so advanced!"
"He's so tall for his age!"
A: Well, he is in the fifty second percentile of height.

Likely, people also marveled over my ability go grow teeth, gnaw on fingers, and make sounds that weren't even remotely like speech.
"I think he just tried to say da da."
Actual noise being something more like: wuhookkkkjjjjj. Or something of that nature.

Positive things. I was well ahead the pink shirt curve here. My parents put me in the thing well before dues in Miami were sporting them at hot night clubs.

I probably wasn't thinking things like: "From the moment of my conception I've begun to die." Or: "What gives life of meaning and how am I going to achieve that meaning in a meaningful manner?" I probably didn't even know the word meaningful though I've been told I was a bright child.

I was pretty excited about my stuffed bear. S hates stuffed animals. I think this akin to hating children at Christmas, just outlandish. Stuffed animals are our friends who are with us when no one else is. Look at that bear! I love that f-ing bear. I probably didn't know the f word at this point either.

Other negatives- I routinely shat myself.

Positives-It didn't bother me in the slightest.

Positve/Negative: I was a fairly cute child, but not obscenely so. At least I wasn't one of those kids who parents hold up to your face and say, "Isn't he cute?" And of course, they are not. They are cute because they are small, but they are not exactly the Lord's gift in the aesthetics department.

Negative-I didn't have a blog.

Positive-I didn't waste solid creative writing time on a lousy blog.

Negative-That happy sun thing behind me. Mom? Dad? Were you two no good dirty hippies?

Negative-Not knowing the term no good dirty hippies.

Positive-Not ever being reprimanded for speaking incorrectly.