Year 13

Unfortunately, my mother didn't ship me off to finishing school as a thirteen year old. I've often found myself not knowing which fork to use or how exactly one greets a person who has been knighted by the queen and regretted her oversight. Why just last night we had some friends over and I didn't know whether the proper etiquette required me to offer them a drink, or whether I could politely thank them for the wine and then refuse to open it. I'm certain that Mrs. Haberdashery would have remedied these numerous oversights in my education. Oh well.

As such, I was thirteen years old in good old CA. Referring to the pic. suddenly I went from a small boy to a young woman in the full bloom of youth. Be sure to notice the healthy flush in my cheeks that drew many suitors and fetched me a high price at the market. However, in my defense, at this time in the early nineties cool dudes had long hair. Anybody who grew up watching 90210 and Melrose Place knew that it was a good idea to grow your hair out if you wanted Courtney Thorne-Smith to like you.

I've got a theory about this year, which I expounded upon on an essay called, "How Before Sunrise Shaped My Love Life." Aside: How many people's ideas of what love was supposed be like were ruined by the spate of romantic comedy movies in the early nineties? Chances are that people who grew up watching Only You, Sleepless in Seattle, Matchmaker et al are going to have a tough time with the realities of romance.

The theory. Eighth grade was great because though I never actually spoke with them I was fairly popular with the ladies. Please always, always, refer to women as the ladies. It makes you sound awesome! Anyhow, the reason that I was popular was related to my inability to speak. The theory being that (and especially true at this age, what's the adage? "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt." So true, lord knows if I'd opened my mouth I'd have been in real trouble. However, the silent type gives girls a chance to create their ideal man. My advice to men between the ages of 14-22 is to talk as little as possible to the fairer sex. It will work wonders. Also, read a lot of books and such, so that when you finally do open your mouth at 23 you have something intelligent to say.

Really though, eighth grade was about developing friendships with guys who I am still friends with to this day. The people who you know from way back. Who remember you when. Unfortunately, none of us have gotten famous enough to have to say something like, "Remember where you're from," but we'll get there. I've got this great idea to serve beer slushies at sporting events. Wait, I've said too much.

All I remember is sitting on the wall at Bidwell and saying, "You're pretty cool Marc." And his response, "Talk to any girls lately." I like that when I see him, fifteen odd years later we can still say the same shi-.

Positives-Gloriously long hair.

Negatives-Inability to speak.

Positives-Long golden hair.

Negatives-Developing a moodiness that sort of stuck with me.


Ex:
M: I just love you a lot today.
S: Why?
M: Because I'm moody and today is a good day.

Positives-Just flowing. And sure, sure I couldn't see what I was doing when I was playing basketball because of all that hair, but, oh that hair. Cue Lucille Bluth.

Other positive-The ninth graders getting the heave ho, so that you are once again on top of the heap.

Negatives-Classes. Did I learn anything particularly interesting before the age of 19? Negative-Do I remember much of anything from before the age of 28?