Year 12

I think that the seventh grade would have been more fun if Kevin Arnold had done some voice over work for me. Fred Savage was pretty much the shi- except for that winging bit he did during the Princess Bride when we all just wanted to see more fencing and Buttercup. (Insert pop culture reference here). Anyhow, without the voice overs and Winnie and the lack of a kid being struck by a train who we could head out to find and maybe do some cool voice overs about, seventh grade kind of sucked. Seventh grade sucks for a lot of reasons.
Firstly, hypothetically of course, you might fall in love with some blond haired girl who is in your P.E. class occasionally, and maybe your friends switch groups with you so the two of you can hold hands. And you square dance, and your heart goes pitter patter. Then you find out that she's dating some dude who is sixteen years old and apparently spent the weekend in jail after helping him steal a car. That's when you suddenly realize that life is probably not going to turn out the way it does in fairy tales.
Seven grade also sucks, hypothetically of course, because Ivan Cockburn likes to beat you up during P.E class. And you kind of let him because you are good kid and moderately confused that he's irate at you for some unknown reason. And yes, if you had life to do over again one of the first things you'd do is ram the heel of your palm into his nose, but you didn't do that then. And it made that year kind of suck. On the bright side, your last name is Bertaina, which is light years better than Cockburn.
Seventh grade also sucks because you have to take algebra and algebra is confusing. Let me tell you how many times I've used algebra in my seven or so years in my nine years working at various jobs. I've used it zero times. That's right, never. However, apparently it was vital that I learn it and my inability to figure out x and y caused me to worry that I wasn't as smart as all those teachers had thought I was growing up.
And you had to take Quest class and were mildly in love also with Gail Strickland wherever the hell she is. And you got like a C- in that class, hypothetically, because the teacher had as much control over the class as you did in algebra. But some days you miss him crying out "Ubangarang" that crazy old bastard.
You are sitting at the bottom rung of what appears to be a very complex and intense social structure, and all the girls are dating guys two years older than you who can steal them cars and get them drugs and you're sort of pining for the basketball courts of your youth but trying to fit in. Bleh. Fitting in. This is the beginning of a rather precipitous downfall and gross misunderstanding of your personality, which goes on until you are able to go to college and break free of the shackles of your small town. And yes, you are picturing a lifetime movie made about your life. Only, you're not a woman, so it might be a tough sell.
What do I remember about seventh grade? Seagulls shittin- on all the benches, eating crappy school lunches on the wall, having to wear those ridiculous P.E. shirts, more UMT time. The P.E. coaches all walking out and spending at least half the period grabbing their own crotch. Needless to say, I really miss being 12.

Positive-I don't know. You're not quite the absolute jerk that you become as an eighth grader. I don't know if this is the case anymore, but for people around thirty, the eighth grade was the start of extreme alienation and generally bitchiness that continued for a solid two or two and half years.

Negative-Ivan, Nebraska football, strange older guys who hang out at the middle school even though they are in high school, Kenny wtf?, picking up all the cute girls. Social hierarchies of any kind. Math that includes variables. F the x and y axis both!!

Positives-I don't know, still having to walk to school. Being called a sevvie. Eating crappy school lunches. My advice to people who have kids is to never let them go to seventh grade. I'd suggest giving the kid up for adoption for a few years and then grabbing them back. Someone might tell you that it will screw them up, but rest assured this age is enough to screw up anyone it's best to let them do it on someone else's time.

Positive-Those gloriously short basketball shorts. More time to sport the UMT. Being taken out of class for the reading competency test and reading faster than anyone in the seventh grade. Screw you Mr. Barnum for having me in the lower reading group anyway. I could read circles around you. Who gives a damn where the Red Fern grows? I want to know that the heck is going on with Benjy in the Sound and the Fury. That's Faulkner via Shakespeare bit-c.
Other positives-Learning to let go of things like being in the second highest reading group in the third grade.


Negatives-Just about everything else.

S: Do you want to know what I listen to when you're out of the house?
M: What?
S: David Archuleta.
M: I'd hide that also.
S: I was listening to it upstairs the other day and it was awesome.
M: Shameful.

Addendum: You now realize that the kid's last name was Coburn not Cockburn. And maybe he had like a really tough home life that made him act out or something. But screw him anyway because no one ever wants to hear from the shy well-adjusted kid about how his home life ain't perfect either, but you don't see him going around harassing other kids.
Also, look at the signs of socialization. Apparently I found a comb and some hair gel in between my six and seventh grade years. Whatever happened to that smiling kid w/ crooked teeth?