Boy or Girl

Girl or Boy Predictor: An aside stemming from a discussion with a friend. A friend of mine is having similar trouble coming up with a proper name for his upcoming male offspring as we are having. We don't know the sex yet. That will come on Friday. Anyhow, we determined that the prevalence of the name Jr. for boys, where you just have the exact same name as the father has nothing to do with what is typically thought. It has nothing to do with land inheritance or expectations of taking over the business or nepotism. No, boys get named things like Andrew Jr. because it's damn near impossible to come up with a name for a boy. Thus, after beating your head against a wall for a few months you suddenly like the sound of your own name and hopefully, after all this time so does your wife. So you end up settling on Junior or JR or whatever. Why? Because boys, particularly white ones, can't have fun names. We've got like Doug, Brian, Greg, Andrew, John, Joe, Daniel, Matthew et al to choose from. We can't name the boy anything interesting or he'll spend the majority of his years in elementary school crying in a bathroom stall. Granted that will make great fodder for a future memoir, but I'm pretty certain S and I, particularly I, can screw up a child plenty without relying on the crutch of a weird name.

Anyhow, I can't wait any longer, so I've decided to take the test on childbirth.org to figure it out for myself.

Q: I am carrying the weight.

Out Front
Around the Hips and Bottom

A: In my uterus. Idiots.

Q: The hair on my legs is growing?

A: I am entirely hairless.

I am carrying the baby?

High

Low

A: That is a great post up offense for a college basketball team used most effectively by UCLA with Bill Walton, but I don't understand why they are asking me how I'm carrying it. It's not even out of the uterus guys. And if it was out, like a football. Like a little human football.

I sleep in bed with my pillow to the?

North

South

A: I sleep with five pillows, four of which are aimed in each of the cardinal directions. The other one is placed directly below the nape of my neck at an angle of forty five degrees facing Southeasst. What the hell kind of question is this?

My feet are?

Colder

The same

A: Right now, they're kind of hot, but I think that's just the weather.

I

Refuse to eat the heel of the bread.

Prefer the heel of the bread

A: I like it with cinnamon or Nutella. I don't give an s- which part as long as it's got good stuff on it.

The dad to be is?

Gaining weight along with me

is not gaining weight

A: I blame the weight gain on summer BBQ. And the baby. I blame everything on the baby.

My mother's hair color is

Gray

Not Gray

A: My mother's hair is whatever color she decides it is thank you very much.

During pregnancy my chest development has been

Real Good

Good.

A: Yup.

My age at the time of conception was:

A: Sixteen. Oh what a summer! Oh, you mean this one.

I am looking

Really good

Not so good

A: The answer according to every sitcom I've ever seen is the former.

Conception took place in the month of:

The backseat of a car. Is that a month?

My urine's color is:

Bright yellow.

Neon.

A: Platinum. We're bottling and selling the stuff.

I have been craving:

A: Love. I don't know what the other one's were.

The baby's heart rate is:

Really High

Pretty High

A: The former

My abdomen looks like

Basketball or Watermelon?

Answer: A squash thing. What's a squash thing look like? Also, stop looking at my stomach. My eyes are up here buddy.

If someone asks you to show them your hands you

Show them palms up or palms down.

A: Actually I take a movie script that I've written and then go urinate on it in a corner. Old Joke. Hi Marc Fellner.

How do you pick up a mug?

Who cares? Let's watch this video about boys and girls by Mike Rowe.




I'd give you the results but the internet crapped out on me before giving the result. I love me some Verizon. I wonder what the chances are that we get this fixed by next week. Pretty low probably.