Conversations

Conversations About Snuggling:

M: I just don't think that you enjoy snuggling as much since you got pregnant?

S: No. It's just, I don't like being touched.

M: Are you sure you still understand what the term snuggling entails?


Some typical conversations:

S: If you could find my cell phone. I think I saw it floating around somewhere earlier.

M: If it's floating around it should be easy to find.

Science Wednesdays:

S: Our baby is the size of a shrimp.

M: It’s the size of a sperm.

S: You can’t see sperm, they're invisible.

M: Well, you haven’t seen this one. (Includes typical male posturing voice).

S: No you.

M: Do you see what I did there? You "haven't seen" this one, thereby seconding the whole invisible thing.

S: Oh.

M: I’ll just go ahead and handle both sides of this conversation.

S: That would be easier.


Related conversations:

Any time a promo for the television show Grey's Anatomy is on.

M: I'd like to see her anatomy.(You literally won't believe how old that joke has gotten after five years three times a week, but it's a commitment I've made to making that joke, and I'm sticking by it. It's stripped of meaning.

While playing Mexican Train dominoes:

Be careful, it's really easy to lose your train of thought while you're playing.

I'd hate for me to de-rail your chances at winning.

Baby Size Conversations:

S: Yesterday it was the size of a blueberry but next week he’ll be the size of a raspberry! (Said with excitement).

M: Aren't those about the same size? Like could you really distinguish between the two offhand.

S: You're ruining this for me.

Uncle Andrew:

Watching my tiny little nephew claw his way across the floor with a look of unabashed glee on his face.

M: What's he up to? He looks so excited.

He arrives with an insane grin on his face and puts his mouth over the top of my hand.

M: Oh, I see. He was coming over here to eat my hand. I guess babies get smarter as they get older.

Random conversations:

M: Hon, so, how soon can we start messing them up?

Others:

M: That dumb little thing can't understand anything that I'm saying.

S: You can't say that in front of the baby.

M: He doesn't even have ears yet....Does he?


Tangentially related NYT article that is probably 100 percent true and certainly 100 percent true of me as I detailed in an as of yet unpublished essay.