15 things I love

In response to some idiot e-mail by a person purporting to be me about the top fifteen dislikes, and in response to S's comment that it was the best blog that she'd read in a while. Implicit obviously that the content on this particular blog has dropped precipitously over the past month or so. Thus, I'm bringing the rant back to the blog because ranting is what blogs are for. Either that, or posting pictures of your cat in various poses.

1) White noise-I'm not talking about the book by DeLillo, which I liked, but wasn't crazy about. I'm talking about the presence of a delightful fan drowning out all the sirens and annoying college students coming home at 3 A.M. to the Berks kind of white noise. White noise was invented in Leipzig, Germany in the early 20th century by Hans White Noise when he noticed that by waving two construction papers together at the same time he could create a noise that drowned out the incessant racket of his three and five year old children singing along to the Sound of Music.

2)Trains-Trains are the past and the future. Has anyone read Atlas Shrugged and not hated it? Probably not. But Ayn Rand has one thing right in that long ass book, trains are awesome. Trains also give the singularly wonderful ability to write in a journal. If you're married, writing in a journal is great and allows you to properly reflect on your travels and maybe craft it into an essay or a good story to tell friends over a glass of wine. However, if you're not married this is really where a train is going to shine because you also can write in your journal. And then when a young lady eventually screws up her courage enough to ask what you're writing, you can say, "Just some of my thoughts," Or "a poem or something like that." Either of these answers will have her leaving thinking that you're are very deep even if you were in fact just charting out the depth chart of your fantasy football team. Note: Keep stray poems on hand in case you're ever asked to read.

3) People who use big words in every day conversation-I don't find these people annoying at all. I find these people charming. I can't always read a whole issue of the New Yorker but it's nice to converse with people who probably do.

4) Houses that have garages instead of basements-Maybe a personal experience here.

5) Watching rain fall on a body of water.

6) Finding a five dollar bill in a pair of jeans that I haven't worn in a while. I often tell S that it's pretty much the equivalent of making five dollars for doing nothing. Note: It would be better to find 100, but I'm not rolling that high these days.

7) (A special aside of things I don't love because everyone else loves them and fifteen things that I love is way too long of a list. The internet is for ranting!)
Don't Love as borrowed from someone, anonymous, who posted on my blog rant:

"OK I'm just going to put this out there into the universe even though the universe is going to hate me for it: I can't stand David Sedaris's writing. Seriously, I used to read it until one day I read this totally pointless piece about how he was walking through a crowd with his partner and concludes with something about how the last thing he saw of his partner was the back of his legs because his partner always out-walked him. So the whole point of the chapter was to say that he is a freaking slow walker. Well like I care. And I hate slow walkers. Also, I think he is narcissistic and uses foul language for gratuitous reasons.

Whew!! THAT was a rant. I do feel better now, but I think I might go hide from the universe now."

I don't hate DS. However, I think I'm in the minority here with my fellow poster in not finding him terrifically engaging. I guess I just don't function that way. When I read an essay in almost any Best American Essays (Note: Please feel free to pull one of the DS essays out to make me look like a real ass here) I tend to find it way more compelling than (most) of the stuff DS churns out. It's like America decided that this guy was charming and then we built a theme park in his honor and passed his books around and patted each other on the back for all liking this quirky fellow. Except, (and yeah, this may be a personal thing) I go to essays to learn something about the world, and I'm not sure I leave a DS essay knowing anything besides the fact that he's sort of a funny guy.

8) Milk Chocolate with almonds in it. Why? Because as you age and develop a refined palate, (read: dying taste buds) dark chocolate pretty much takes milk chocolate behind the school kicks its ass and takes its lunch money. But guess what? Throw some almonds in that milk chocolate and we've got a solid fight going on.

9) Whales-I swear this is totally unrelated to the fact that I just finished Moby Dick and am reading a non-fiction book called "The Whale." Okay, maybe it's related. Aside: I remember being at this picnic in Santa Barbara when I was 23 and chatting it up with Jamie, (no memory at all of her last name) and thinking what a nice chat it was and decent at this BBQ. Minutes later people came back and said, "Hey, did you see all those whales breeching? Wasn't that some amazing and life changing stuff? Have you ever seen a whale move like that?" And no. I haven't ever seen a whale in my entire life and I apparently never will. However, I will always remember that I wasted time chatting with Jamie, sorry, I usually enjoy chatting, instead of looking at whales, which are amazing.

10) Brownies from a mix? Why? Because almost every kind of brownie doesn't taste as good. (Moosewood excepted). Brownies from a box taste like little pieces of cake dropped from a chocolate cloud or something. Brownies that take a much longer time, tend to taste like some pale imitation of brownies that leaves you feeling oddly depressed, all the while you're complimenting the chef on really nailing the dessert this time around as you politely spit the remainder into a napkin.

11) People who are willing to have their mind changed by an interesting conversation. This applies to books and movies, my sort of thing, but it should apply across the board. There is nothing less interesting than talking with someone who already has their mind up, unless they are really intelligent and persuasive, in which case, the above listed quality doesn't really apply. In a broader sense I'm just saying interesting people who have read, watched, lived, thought out enough of life to be a good conversation partner.

12) The Bachelor Pad. Why? Because a man can't spend all day reading Moby Dick and looking up the Wikipedia entry for phenomenology, sometimes that man has to watch a bunch of young and ridiculous people cry and hook up, so that the can feel good about spending the evening mopping the floor.

13) Homeless people. Why? Because at one point in my life I was a intimately involved with a number of homeless people who had both fascinating and heart-rending stories that still make me feel bad every time I walk by one of them and do that thing where you look away to avoid making any sort of eye contact or contact of any sort.

14) Standing at the base of a waterfall? Why? Because I'm human.

15) Infinite Jest, Arrested Development, long drives, vast swaths of virtually empty land, the ocean in the middle of the night as viewed from the shore, being married to someone who can do logistics, listening to pretentious podcasts, long talks.


In the same vein as the things I hate blog, feel free to post your comments below on things you love. I realize it's not nearly as fun as posting on something you hate as human beings (on average) remember a negative comment ten times longer than a positive one, but I'd always be interested to hear. Hell, I know some good poets, and the above text had a lack of poetic or Amelie like things. Change that!

It's probably time for some Owl City.