Twenty Things

1 tip to getting a flat belly.

2 ways to change your crabby type disposition to the world.

3 exercises that will get you ripped!

4 simple activities that will make you begin to regard dew on spider webs as something worth watching

5 things to never say on a first date

6 treatises by 20th century philosophers

7 Foods that are surprisingly high in cholesterol

8 mirrors that will remind you of someone besides yourself

9 Fashion don'ts

10 people who don't really care what you're wearing

11 things that people say about you when you're not in the room

12 dresses and or suits that will tell you the truth about who you are. The answer is complex, but the consensus seems to amazing.

13 People who don't like that particular pair of shoes

14 Pictures of people you love

15 Ways in which you will always be a disappointment to someone

16 mornings on a long deck overlooking a long stretch of calm water

17 Meals that you've cooked, which have turned out to be just crap

18 Songs that all say things that move you

19 More things that might contribute to making you more neurotic and self obsessed than you already are

10 things worth paying attention to.


A troubled asset relief program joke gone awry or Tuesday night

S: You better go check to see if that tarp is still working. Otherwise the rain is just going to go straight down into the window well again.

M: I sure hope that TARP is going to keep us from having to bail out.

S: (No change of expression) Because if the wind changes

M: Troubled Asset Relief Program? Anyone? That's what they called part of the bail out package.

S: Really? I thought tarp was just that blue thing keeping the rain out of our window well.

M: When they right the biography of my life I want it to be called, "Andrew Bertaina, genius wasted."

S: Are you headed downstairs to finish watching "Bachelor Pad?"

M: Even geniuses need a break sometimes.