The Internet is for ranting

It's good to multi-task. I read it somewhere on the internet. Listening to music is a good thing to do while you read a blog post.

I said, "I've had a headache for days. Sometimes I can't remember what it was like to not have someone stabbing me in the back of the brain. Can you check behind my ear to see if a little gnome is stabbing me periodically. He might also be eating a ham sandwich.

She said, "Headaches are strange. People, (she may have said scientists, who knows) don't even know what causes them."

"Pain," I said. "Pain."


Vanity

In the evening, before I mow the lawn, I throw my t-shirt on the ground. I decide that I am going to do this thing shirtless. I am reminded that the bronzed skin looks best in deflecting blemishes, and I don't reflect at the time how incredibly insane that viewpoint is in light of our history of skin. Within minutes I am back inside, with five pebble sized bites in the middle of my back. It takes a rare feat of yoga like stretching for me to even scratch them. Before I put on a long sleeved shirt and go back outside I stare in the mirror at the little pink bites on my back.

Napping

At about seven thirty I start to get tired, I feel my eyes slowly shutting like the gate over a restaurant.

"Don't take a nap," she says. "You won't be able to fall asleep tonight."

I close my eyes again. "Just this once," I tell her, "it's going to work out fine."

At 2 A.M. I regret all of the naps that I have ever taken. I swear to myself that I am never taking one again. But 2 A.M. is full of regrets, and eventually I fall asleep on an ocean of them.


Lawn Mowing

I own a push mower because it makes me feel good about lessening my environmental footprint in the world. If you ask me I'll extol it's virtues. "Self-sharpening blades, tight turning radius, no bag, the clippings take care of themselves." Hell, I might even try to sell you mine because it is on Thursday night, when every twig longer than two inches stops the blades and has to be removed, while the mosquitoes land on my back that I regret this mower.