In response to the article in the Huffington Post, the fifteen most overrated authors, I've come up with my own list that people can peruse at their leisure of the fifteen most overrated authors, books, states, or states of mind.
1. Goodnight Moon-What a banal book. Don't waste your time saying goodnight to the moon because it won't say anything back. You're actually wasting your time speaking to a planetary satellite that will never respond. If you want to talk to something idiotic that won't ever change just buy yourself a damn dog.
2. Haruki Murakami-People, even folks I like, really enjoy Murakami. I don't enjoy his writing because it is a kitschy pile of horse manure with some cats rolling around in it. I'm not sure when America became obsessed with magical realism, but we took a wrong turn with this author.
3. President Clinton's incident-You know what's a lot worse than having an affair for our President? sending thousands of young men and women to war. Why can't we have any f-ing moral outrage about that people!
4. Dentists-When were these guys invented? Humanity was getting on just fine without them. And I bet no one felt the need to spend thousands of dollars on making a picture perfect smile. F verisimilitude. I wish I had had a friend growing up called crooked teeth Johnson. I didn't because of dentists.
5. Montana-Yeah, it's beautiful and all that but the winters are too long, and they have too many bears. Do you know what's dangerous? Bears.
6. Slightly distracted by something else that could have possibly popped up on the Internet-This state of mind needs to be done away with immediately. The internet is not your friend. It is an insidious chip planted by the government in our heads to make us pay for all those free loading poor people.
7. Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee. One of the worst books I've read in the past few years it was a finalist for a National Book Critics Circle Award. Besides poor dialog he cheaply capitalizes on the difference in perception between life in South Africa and Western Europe. Oh, so they are different and that is sometimes challenging? Thank you J.M. Coetzee for sharing that with us. The biggest disgrace is that in our increasingly pc society people pretended like this pile of manure book was worth a damn because it was allegedly about cultural conflict.
8. Vuvuzelas-Just plain awful all the way around.
9. Two and a Half Men-Why is this show still on television? It's constant good ratings only confirm my overeducated and underemployed snarky bias that the majority of Americans are dull and insipid even in their television watching.
10. Freeways-Get a clue America! Let's put in some f-ing high speed rail! Move to the city and stop whining about your taxes and your gun rights. Of course, I'm only saying this because I have a liberal bias and my wife works for the EPA.
11. Shark Week on Discovery-Do you know why I quit surfing in CA? Because of sharks, the deadliest and sneakiest animal on the planet. What's hanging out beneath all those placid ocean waters? Probably like a million sharks. Do I then want to watch them attack people or other animals? No. I do not. And just because Discovery advertises the shi- out of it doesn't mean I like it. I'd watch Dinosaur week. Why? Because God created dinosaurs so that liberals could throw their presence in Christians face, but also because he loves awesomeness.
12. Long internet rants-I don't give a damn what you like and dislike. This is America! I'm free to have my own loud and uninformed opinions without you invading my space with all of your....oh, awkward.
13. Omar from the Wire. Guess what? I haven't seen the Wire and I don't know who the f Omar is, so stop talking about how you saw Omar from the Wire on some television show and how that makes it good. I don't know who Omar is, and I don't care to find out.
14. People who don't believe everything that I believe-Come on! Resistance is futile. Okay, it would probably be a really boring world.
15. Liking things on Facebook-Guess what? I do this all the time. But it's a lazy as- way of communicating with another person. You want to like something? put, I like this, in the comment section. You're not that busy, you're on f-ing Facebook already, don't pretend like you don't have the time to do more than click a random little button. Where is the dislike button, or the I'm confused button or the...(Editor's note: I liked at least on thing today but that just proves that I'm a jacka-s like everyone else).
16............Feel free to put your own rants in the comments section like: I hate Marigolds! Or, Haruki Murakami is the greatest, and you just don't like him because you are too lazy to put commas in the correct places! Or, I hope Omar from The Wire rides over to your house on a shark and bludgeons you to death with the moon. Don't be shy. Everyone loves a good rant.
say whatever you like about Disgrace but it certainly isn't politically correct
ReplyDeleteOh, I agree, Disgrace itself isn't PC, rather, I think it's rather well-regarded by folks in the literary world because it espouses to be a book that defines the clash between cultures. We're currently in a time period when a book that is able to define the "other" for us is almost always regarded as a seminal work. I think Disgrace falls into that category. We have a South African writer defining the difference between Western Europe and South Africa, and how just impossibly hard it is for people to bridge that gap. You see, doing an analysis of the book on those grounds can actually make it sound like it might be an interesting book. It isn't. It's poorly written tripe.
ReplyDeletewhat about the dakotas??
ReplyDeletehave you ever really met someone from north or south dakota?/
they dont exist except on maps!
you also left out "any and all reality shows"
decisions,decisions..do i watch T.O. show or Ochocinco dating show???????
resistance is futile..isnt that from star trek
or terminator or???
dentists..what about optometrists??
did cave men have glasses..i dont think so!!
This made me smile.
ReplyDeleteOK I'm just going to put this out there into the universe even though the universe is going to hate me for it: I can't stand David Sedaris's writing. Seriously, I used to read it until one day I read this totally pointless piece about how he was walking through a crowd with his partner and concludes with something about how the last thing he saw of his partner was the back of his legs because his partner always out-walked him. So the whole point of the chapter was to say that he is a freaking slow walker. Well like I care. And I hate slow walkers. Also, I think he is narcissistic and uses foul language for gratuitous reasons.
ReplyDeleteWhew!! THAT was a rant. I do feel better now, but I think I might go hide from the universe now.