Yup

Some highlights from the week.

M: So I had to rewatch the first ten minutes of the Sopranos because she was putting up a mirror in the bathroom.

J: I hate watching those same ten minutes a second time.

A: Wait. You're complaining because your pregnant wife was putting up a mirror in the bathroom while you watched tv?

M: Listen, she wouldn't have been hanging the mirror if she didn't want to. Besides, she wouldn't have wanted me to help anyhow. If I did it myself, I'd have just hung the damn thing sideways anyway and called it good.

Some other time:

C: What are you here for? Is that a bear you're growing or are you just planning on becoming homeless?

M: I'm just trying not to look too strange while I'm growing out my mustache.

C: Oh. That's not a great idea.

Fiction

A list, greatly abridged, of the reasons that my closet is empty.
1. On the date, November 2, perhaps the 3rd, you were kindly asked to remove visible marks of urine from the rim of the toilet seat before company arrived. Upon using the toilet at 7:37 P.M. I discovered those self-same stains on the seat despite being told on two separate occasions, once in the kitchen, and once on the balcony, that the seat had been wiped clean.

2. June 23rd Despite being made aware on several occasions, including a shared Google calendar, you showed up at 7:37 P.M. for a party that was scheduled, in your honor, for 6:15 P.M. The accompanying waste of food and goodwill went unremarked for several days at, which point the incident was called “unfortunate,” and I was asked to, and I quote, “Stop getting my panties in a bunch.”

3. July 4 On this particular date, you, the defendant, were asked to refrain from using fireworks in our back yard due to potential fire damage and the unnecessary emotive pain that I associate with fireworks do the nub that I have where my right pointer finger should be. The latter of which, should have put you off fireworks for years. However, the defendant, in full view used no less than three legitimately hazardous and or dangerous items in our shared backyard. At this point in time the defendant, you, told me to “stop being so crazy about something that happened years ago.”

Without a doubt the single funniest thing I've ever seen about badminton. Well worth the three minutes.