Montages

Lately as S and I have been watching movies, I wait for an opportune time and then just start singing Jason Derulo's encore, except I keep asking to be hit with a montage.



Why? Because 9/10 movies about romance or a good movie about cleaning know that a montage is pretty much your only option. How are we going to show how much these two strangers care about each other. I know? Montage.

Other options include the incredibly chemistry established in a few minutes on screen like Tom Cruise had with Penelope Cruz in Vanilla Sky. However, it was Peneleope Cruz, how much credit can we really give the guy? You also have the option of the awesome before sunrise/after sunset of not using a montage at all but actually allowing the two main characters to have a conversation that's interesting enough that you believe they could actually want to see each other one time. However, that wastes a lot of time that could be taken up with slapstick humor and maybe a little bit of trouble that ultimately results in somebody speeding to catch someone at an airport. Security be damned!

Let's hit some people with montages. Best montage ever. Up. The scene where an entire married life is condensed into four minutes.

Weep you bastards. Weep.



Mary Poppins kind of set the bar for the original clean up montage. Though, you sort of have to wonder why she has time to talk to that robin when the house needs to get cleaned up. Give it a rest Mary. Go pick up some shoes. I also love how the kids just smile lovingly at her at first. Why? Because they don't have to do shi-; she's just taking care of it all. Later, she teaches them black magic, a little Harry Potter action, ie ban in schools, and suddenly they love cleaning up because it's so easy. I'm just saying I'm not sure about these kids characters.




I'm upset because I couldn't find the Family Guy montage where they clean up a bar in like 30 seconds, except, they didn't. This kind of set the bar for montages. Pun intended. Oh well, I'll settle for a Star Wars montage. Also, I love Consuela.



Youtube fails me again. I can't find exactly what I'm sort of excoriating. Instead, I found a video that is it's own made up montage type thing. However, we do have an old that awesome song "I ain't missin you" as background for this bad ass montage. What I can take mainly from this montage is that people in movies fall in love much more frequently than your average person, and also have to overcome way more obstacles, like icebergs and death and stuff.



You know the only thing better than a romantic montage? A romantic montage about a period piece because people in olden days really loved each other a lot more. Also, this one is about dancing, and everyone loves dancing in a period piece because of all the eye contact and hand touching and gazing across the room and all that sort of stuff that is just way hotter than grinding it out at the bottom of some skeezy club. Give me a white glove any day.



Wait, did somebody put period dramas to the tune of Hungry Eyes. Yes they did. Life cannot get any better.



Listen, the main thing that I learned from doing this montage search is that people choose shitt- music for montages. I don't want to her Nickelback or some slow ass Josh Groban song. You can use "My heart will go on" by Celine Dion for virtually any of these and my heart will be melting. Pun intended. Anyhow, sure this song has it's own movie already, but that doesn't mean it can't be uses for virtually everything else. Your other option is to use some cool song like Hungry Eyes because Dirty Dancing is amazing and you know it. Ie, eighties or early nineties. I will be right there waiting for you works. Colplay songs kind of work for some reason. Snow Patrol too. Slow paced songs with heavy piano are usually crap. You know what sort of works, "Raining in Baltimore" because it is heart breakingly beautiful. And yes, you can even set it to The Notebook, which was, I hear as I didn't read it, a better movie than a book and yes everyone in our theater cried at the end as well because Raining in Baltimore is so good.



Okay, that's the deal. You can basically do bad ass music like the Counting Crows or something equivalent, like maybe some old shi- by Whiskeytown. Don't go flooding my video, not that you would, with some garage band you heard in Cleveland. They suck. And unless the montage is about doing drugs keep Radiohead out of it. I'm just really angry that I can't nab any montages from movies, so I'll settle for one last made up montage of a kick ass period piece movie North and South. If you doubt these people's love; I doubt your soul, and I may also doubt that we'll ever have peace in the world and the validity of the free market economy for the world.



Remember, the internet is for ranting.