On eating tasty cows

If you're like me, a person under a certain age with a slight liberal bent, you've probably met tried to be a veggie for a while, (I don't mean that literally, though if I did, I'd probably choose to be a carrot) or you've met someone who is giving it a go for a while. We all know these people are obnoxious to have over to dinner parties, and we ask them if they still eat fish and chicken. Isn't there a saying about perhaps having entertained angels at your table, in this case it's ideologs. Anyhow, the point is that being a veggie is weird and that no one should try it. Wait, that wasn't the point.

Anyhow, I spent nine months as a carrot while we were spending a couple of years in the midwest, and I enjoyed it. Sure I lost twenty pounds and was eating bits of dirt to try to up my iron content, but I finally felt good about not hurting animals. Note: My real reason for being a veggie was not related to animal cruelty, though I submitted in conversation tonight that standing next to a cow and blowing it's brains out with a shotgun would undoubtedly change my relationship to my food; it's just not my bag. No. Mine was in issue of resources. At some point I was driving home from work and saw a sign for Wendy's. And you hear these stories about people eating meat after long layoffs and getting really sick, but after I had a delicious hamburger I realized that veggies just get confused after the long layoff and that what they're actually feeling is not sick but full.

How many 1/4 hamburgers do you get from a single cow?

Give up? I tried to picture a small cow in a science book. The cow had a diagram pointing to it, mostly black lines and arrows. I'm not sure why. Anyhow, I then tried to mentally extract hamburgers from that cow's stomach. The book was small. I came up with 50. I was wrong. It turns out that an average cow gets you about 2,000 hamburgers.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_hamburgers_can_you_get_out_of_one_cow

So mainly what I learned tonight is that we should all be eating more meat. I mean, look, I've probably only eaten one or two cows in my lifetime. We've got plenty more to go around. Have you driven down I5 in CA? They have like a million on that farm all loving life in close proximity to one another. It's kind of like going to college for cows except you are roommates with everyone, and you don't have a room. That's right, you can see your friends at any point in time. It must be awesome. Besides all the poop. Oh well.

Anyhow, I think we need to commit to eating more meat in our country. Don't let these filthy vegetarians win by waxing on about animal cruelty, hit them up with Rousseau, the original anti-animal cruelty advocate, let them know that you eat meat like twice a week, and so you're still owed a cow or two.

Okay, honestly, despite this stunning statistic everyone should be a flexetarian. Thus, you avoid awkward dinner parties, but you still get less meat. So, yeah, eat less meat. Try to buy it locally. Just, you know, think about it a little bit more. Don't go too crazy. It's like my wife always says, "Everything in moderation." And as I down my third burger of the night I always remind her yes, "Even moderation sometimes."