Housing

As it turns out when you're going about purchasing a home they require you to get a loan. In a related story, obtaining a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing is not as helpful as it could be in terms of building up loans without earning money. It's a well kept secret that practically nobody makes a living as a writer. You've got exceptions like Danielle Steele, (but that's just pure talent) and Stephen King, but in general writing is about as prolific as collecting marbles except the marbles are shinier and more fun to play with. Thus, the 50 or so thousand dollars I spent on my education though not ill-spent entirely seems at this point like a minor miscalculation that will haunt me for years to come. Why couldn't I have lived six hundred years ago? I'd have made a pretty good knight errant. Chasing windmills, writing poems, and hopefully sleeping with lots of damsels (even if they weren't in distress).

My face returned to a decent size today. Now I just look like I have one slightly crossed/off eye. In public, people didn't turn away from me, so much as find somewhere else with which to direct their glance.

On the bright side we've been cleared by a lender to buy a home! One more American family ready to take on a big mortgage with low paying jobs and see where the months take us! Foreclosure here I come! Just kidding...mostly.
Lender: So you're husband is an out of work graduate student?
S: Yes, well, we're really proud of him. Note: When you tell your kids to follow their dreams just make sure that those dreams are realistic and profitable.

Future Son: I think I want to be a writer.
M: Good choice. Networks are always looking for someone to write ad copy. You know what would really help you get that job.
Future Son: With a look of wonder/love in his eyes.
M: A degree in math and computer science. All the great writers have it.
Future Son: Really?
M: Yes Note: Said with absolute certainty.

Future Daughter: I want to be a marine biologist.
M: Get in line behind all the other kids.
Future Daughter: (Hurt in her voice) You don't think I can do it?
M: Oh no of course you can honey. You know what would really help the animals. A malpractice lawyer. That's what they need the most.


S: What are you doing?
M: I was just seeing if I could frown with that side of my face.
S: What?
M: I WAS JUST SEEING IF I COULD FROWN WITH THAT SIDE OF MY FACE
S: Someone woke up on the wrong side of the poison ivy.

S: You look like a fish. (Pause) Is it too soon?
M: I don't even think it's over yet so soon can't even apply.