Tuesday, July 28, 2009

How to Choose/List a proper house

I've discovered that S and I have different methods for narrowing down the list of houses on Redfin that we're interested in. My method is to begin with a large number of houses and then gradually narrow them down via a process of elimination until I reach a reasonably small numbers. Meanwhile, S's version, (which I'm in no way denigrating) is to "narrow" down the choices by consistently adding houses to our list.

Narrow-make or become more narrow or restricted.
Now, a typical dunce is merely going to see narrow defined in such a way and assume that my process is perhaps more effective at helping us to make our decision. Note: My list has 15 houses and S's has 121. However, I submit that the person who supports that definition is being narrow minded and is narrowly avoiding the mistake of not having enough houses with which to narrow down from.

Later: Success! We're down to ten!

Things that helped us winnow down our housing choices/helpful suggestions for home sellers.

1. If you have an old rusting play set in your back yard it is not the best idea to feature it prominently in photos, declaring the neighborhood to be full of tots, and the house as a potential daycare.
2. We do not need to see pictures of water heaters or wall sconces.
3. Only take multiple photos of your basement if it is finished. Basements are where people put bodies and are generally regarded as scary/dungeonesque abodes of dwarves and brown recluse spiders.
4. It is best to include pictures of your house if it is listed. Putting up a blank picture with details attached pretty much just says, "We'd really like you to take this piece of shi- off our hands for close to the asking price. We'd include pictures but then we wouldn't have suckered you in to coming by to take a look at this "great deal."
5. Sellers loss is your gain. Don't make me feel bad about buying your house at 100,000 less than you paid for it. Take the loss like it's the nineteen fifties, meaning grin and bear it.
6. It is best to remove drying laundry from the back of kitchen tables. That says, "We'd really like to sell this house but not enough to move this Washington Redskins jersey. In fact, maybe we've just been letting this place go to hell and we're hoping you'll take it off your hands, but would you mind changing the channel while you're up, we can't quite reach the remote from our arm chair."
7. Light is good. Take pictures of your house when the sun is shining! Other than the aforementioned (strangely often by this blog) trolls and poisonous spiders, nobody wants to live in dark rooms.
8. If you have kids, get rid of them. Okay, I'm just kidding on this one. But kids are kind of dirty and you should probably have those rooms staged and just have the kids camp out in the crawl space of the attic until the house sells.
9. Great neighborhood! Stop lying. I can't afford to buy in a great neighborhood, that's why I'm looking at your house and wondering what happened to all the listings in the Upper Northwest of D.C.
10. Close to Metro! 1.3 miles is not close to the Metro. It's a distance that's far enough away to make me never want to walk it and secretly hate my choice of ever having picked a house so far from public transit. Note: I'm spoiled, I've been walking to school/work for three years. Forgive me.
11. If your wife had the great idea of painting the bathroom pink, take a black and white photo.
12. If your lawn is brown, call it an opportunity for sprucing up.
13. Stop listing your house in as in condition. I take this to mean you've been breeding rabbits and the herd has gone feral, and is now in control of your unfinished basement.
14.. At the very least, if you're going to take photos of your crappy yard/laundry/neighbor's dog just crop it out of the picture. Don't put it in a slideshow and set it to muzak. You're not helping.

Thanks for helping us reduce/restrict/contract/shrink/diminish/decrease/straiten our choices! Note: straiten is an archaic synonym.

2 comments:

  1. I'm having to look up a disturbing number of words as I read your post.

    Cait and I have been looking at houses for about a year now. You can tell from the timeline we're not at all serious about it yet. The biggest hurdle is the down payment--which could be circumvented by targeting forclosures, but that feels like grave-robbing to me. I don't like to get that dirty.

    At any rate, good luck with the search. Can't wait to dance with you as Jose plays the piano in your new Bethesda/Rockville abode.

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  2. "Dungeonesque"??? Isn't that the favored California seafood cuisine?

    Janet

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