Load bearing Walls?

Now that we've ratified a contract on a house and moved into the next adult phase of life I'm going to grow back my mustache and begin wearing a tool belt at all times.

Child: What's that do?
M: That's a circular saw son.
Child: I think that circular saw is cutting into your leg.
M: (Turns white) That's what it's supposed to do.

Needless to say I grew up watching Home Improvement (Digression: I watched it when it was a funny show and Pamela Anderson was an unknown actress/tool girl with much smaller mammary glands. I didn't continue watching the waning years of the show when girls went crazy over JTT because the show became derivative and terrible. Every television show should be cut off after a six year arc at the absolute most) and look forward to beginning repairs on our house.

I'm currently researching the cost of taking out a load bearing wall. Most online responses warn of heavy costs, and finding random things inside your wall like electrical outlets and plumbing pipes et al. I'm really looking forward to finding a nest of baby raccoons. Do raccoons lay eggs?

According to various web sites the cost of removing a load bearing wall is somewhere between two thousand and infinity billion dollars. Words like load bearing and steel joist actually scare me, so we'll probably be pushing the infinity billion range if we actually decide to move ahead with the project. (This, despite the fact that I thought we'd originally agreed on a privacy fence to be built before our first move in day. The sort of things that says, "Hey neighbor, we're new to this area and we're really excited about our new home. We'd be even more excited if you didn't live right behind/next to us, so we're going to put up a little fence to pretend like this never happened.") I think it sends the right message.

S spent the day shopping around rates with lenders, which turned out to be yet another part of this housing game that turns quickly into the quay of a small African village bead seller. I sort of thought that things cost x amount of dollars, but apparently you just have to know how to talk people down.

Whole Foods Clerk: That will be seven fifty two? Cash or credit.
M: Hold on a minute fine sir. I saw that same apple at Safeway for a mere 79 cents a pound. Can you knock off a dollar or so to make your price comparable.
WFC: WTF?
M: Because I can just take my business elsewhere, and I will.
WFC: The price hasn't changed.
M: Pays the amount asked. You're lucky I'm too lazy to drive two blocks.

I think we're now going to take the large sum of money that our lender is throwing our way and start our own dollar liquor store/realty company. Bertaina and Bertaina. If you can't find the right house, we'll probably help you feel even more confused/conflicted than you ever thought you could be. Then, just when you think you've found the right thing, we'll throw a wrench in your plans by mentioning the crime rates/sex offenders. And if that doesn't work, a literal wrench. Note: We're going to have very large business cards to fit all this in.

How does it feel to be on your way to owning a home?
It feels like I've completed the first third of a triathlon in record slow time, and perhaps a shark got a bit of my thigh on the swim back in. And now we've still got to run and bike. And I don't even like biking.