Warm the House

I've got October 31st tentatively set as our house-warming party. As I understand house warming parties, people will bring gifts to our house like matches and lighter fluid, and we'll burn the place to the ground and collect the insurance money. I've not been to a lot of house-warming parties, but I also think that we're all supposed to wear knit sweaters and drink hard cider before the flames go up.

Confession: I'm not sure that I've ever been to a proper house-warming party, and I'm excited to have one to look forward to. It's like the adult version of senior prom. We are officially real grown-up people.

S: Can you help me calculate these numbers on our closing costs?
M: Can't we just watch the rest of Glee? (Never trust her big butt and her smile).

Anyhow, anyone who has ever read my blog or heard about it from a friend or accidentally clicked on it, or unfriended/taken me off their news feed because of it

Interpolation:
S: I need your signature on this paper. (Said with a deep sadness of a person who has come home from a job only to do more laborious paperwork).
M: What's going on? You don't seem like you're having a good time?
S: This is not fun.
M: (Sign the paper and notice that S does dates with a / and I do them with a -.
M: I do dates different than you. (Pause for comedic effect). I always go home with the girl. Note: appropriate to provide canned laughter from Two and a half men at this point. Self-high five administered.

will receive a paper invitation as well as an Anyvite. (Josh Hill). I'll expect all of you to fly in from far away extravagant places like Arlington and Silver Spring to share in the happiness of our new home. I'd also like to request that every person who arrives brings a drawing (preferably done in melted crayon) of what their dream house looks like so we have things to put up on the fridge and later deride when folks have gone home.

Questions?
If you have a bar in the new basement do you use it for?
a) A bar. Putting all sorts of hard alcohol behind it and keeping the basement ill-lit to help singles out.
b) Keep cute things like Pepsi and Coke down stairs. The sort of things that good people keep behind their bars.
c) Get rid of the bar and replace it with a nice couch from some place like Crate and Barrel.
D) Use the bar to have sock wars with future children.
E) All of the above excluding c, which, who the hell would pick that one anyway?




If you have a small/uninteresting back yard do you?
a) Put up a privacy fence to let your neighbors that you won't be f-ed with.
b) Put in raised beds, (which is the sort of thing that you hadn't heard of/seen until recently) and nod knowingly when people discuss the acidity level of the soil in DC.
c) Put in a patio with flagstones and a small grill. Invite neighbors over to grill with you over the top of your privacy fence. Bonus points if you left the chain link.
d) Pave over the grass and sit happily in the backyard beckoning your neighbors over through the chain link to admire your lack of a lawn mower and free Saturday mornings.
e) Begin selling your little plot of land as a pet cemetery. Charge extra for dogs/porpoises.








Prayers for baby Caleb.