Andrew decides to bike

In order to facilitate our move from DC and to drop the cost of transportation I've decided to bike to work. Biking to work is going to have a number of upsides including the long overdue removal of the training wheels from my bike and the purchasing of some bright sort of shirt that all bikers wear. I presume that this shirt cuts wind density (made up) by 79 percent and allows you to bike like Lance Armstrong without being a complete jerk.
Confession. I didn't learn how to ride a bike until I was ten years old, long after other kids in the neighborhood had begun to pop wheelies and do jumps off ramps. Even then, my riding was a tenuous sort of endeavor. Confession. On our honeymoon we took a bike ride and as we began to leave I sort of veered wildly like a one winged bird towards the curb before correcting and was asked by the tour guide if it was my first time on a bike. "No, it's about my 1,000th. Is this your first time giving a tour. Because I hope you know that tips don't earn themselves. I'd have preferred a comparison to Greg Lemond."
Guide: Que?

Confession. I learned last night that I've been running about the world using the word segue as though it was a completely separate word. I learned that the word I'd been pronouncing (seeg) was in fact just segue. Confession. My mother told me that it is sump pump rather than the sub pump that I provided yesterday.

The real plus of riding the bike is that I get to shake my fist at motorists and have all the sort of indignity that is granted to you by virtue of riding a bike. Do bikers have bike gangs? Should I be purchasing a black jacket and growing a beard?

S is growing a bit tired of looking for houses, so we're thinking of renting another couple to look at houses for us. We'll be accepting applications next week, and we hope to be conducting interviews and have the position hired by September 1. Below is a transcript of the questions asked, which will be conducted in "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" style like that movie that everyone saw that was a little over hyped, yet still loved, like a movie version of the "Kite Runner." Irony duly noted.

Q: What is your least favorite animal.
A: A dog.

Q: What is my favorite type of house
A: American Craftsman.

Q: If someone is choking in a restaurant, do I a) provide the heimlich maneuver using textbook form b) Pretend like I can't tell for fear that I'll screw the thing up and break ribs c) Pretend to be choking to avoid even the remote possibility that I'll be asked to engage in life-saving procedures d) Do the heimlich in such a piss-poor manner that no one will ever ask me to do it again.
A: D

Q: If I could be any animal in the world what would it be?
A: Panther.

Q: If given a simple task to do that I'm new to, do I a) Perform it with grace and accuracy b) Inwardly panic, and start saying things like shi- when it doesn't go right c) Ask lots of questions to make sure I'm performing it well D) Train a walrus to follow me around at all times and sing show tunes to distract from any incompetence.
A: I'll take B.

Q:How many types of trees do I know?
A: Ten

Q: Do I prefer a sun room or a sitting room?
A: You don't really know the difference.

Q: Do I prefer a yard with trees or with grass to work on?
A: What the f--k's a yard? I've got a football game to watch.

Q: Are basements useful places to put all your junk or places to build large furnaces in order to dispose of neighbors remains?
A: The latter.

Q: Are chain link fences nice barriers to the street or hideous obstructions designed to keep people from ever wanting to live in a neighborhood?
A: That one.