Tiger Woods blows it!

No, I don't actually watch golf. Though, to be fair, I'm reaching the sort of age/physical decline that should make the sport infinitely more interesting to me. It isn't. However, when Tiger Woods blows it on the final day of a major it definitely makes the news on this blog. I mean, check out this quote from Tiger, "You have to make putts. I didn't do that. Today was a day that didn't happen." Now, does Tiger mean that today didn't actually happen? Because if he possesses that sort of Groundhog Dayesque power then I'm considerably less impressed with his past victories. If Tiger Woods actually has the God-like ability to make today not happen then why doesn't he use it more frequently? Why has he ever lost a major tournament? It's rare that a sports athlete makes me question the meaning of my existence. I may just be a dream going on in Tiger Woods' head. This scares me immensely.

I'm now going to record the days events in case Tiger Woods erases them tomorrow. We went out today looking for a: adobe house, A-frame, apartment house, attached house, beach house, bi-level, brownstone, bungalow, bunkhouse, cabin, Cape Cod, carriage house, chalet, clapboard house, coach house, colonial, cottage, country house, detached, dormitory, double-wide, duplex, farmhouse, frame house, galerie house, garrison house, hacienda, half-timbered house, house trailer, igloo, log cabin, longhouse, maisonette, manor, mansion, mobile home, octagon house, penthouse, prefabricated house, quadruplex, raised ranch, ranch house, row house, semidetached, solar house, split-level, tepee, townhouse, tract house, trailer, triplex, two-family house, Victorian, wickiup, wigwam.

Unfortunately we only found a house in Silver Spring that almost met our specifications. We made sure that it had a roof and at least two walls in each room. We checked to make sure the plumbing worked and that you could breed parrots in the ceiling to keep out the squirrels. (That's an idea for you Matt). The long and the short of it is that when you've been looking for a house for this long anything begins to appear good, providing it's outside DC proper. The previous tenant appeared to have been attempting to grow a jungle instead of a lawn. And had probably intended the grass to be overtaken by saplings and ivy. However, a little part of me that remembers tearing up my mother's back yard many summers ago was not excited about the prospect of tearing up a yard again. This time sans the allowance that made it all worthwhile.

The house also had a deck that seemed to be built for the express purpose of peering into neighbor's yards. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy watching other people go about their daily business from behind the secrecy of my binoculars. But it's a bit more obvious when you're standing on a fifteen foot deck from about twelve feet away with the set of binoculars. Perhaps I'm not thinking hard enough as the jungle could provide adequate cover for stalking my neighbors.

The basement was extremely large and included two sub-pumps. Said sub-pumps appearing from within giant holes in the cement in a Leviathan-like way, causing my fear of east coast basements to be reaffirmed. On the flip side, the basement was quite large and would provide adequate space for our bikes, boogie boards, wet suits, book shelves, canned prunes, and Gary.

The upstairs area was adorned with the hardwood floors that represent my generation's shag carpet. Aside: Is anyone else in their twenties/early thirties desperately missing the carpet of their youth? When you're staging a war between Transformers, G.I. Joe, and a set of My Little Ponies, it seems like the hardwood floors just wouldn't be as fun to scoot around on all day. What about running through a wall of pillows and falling onto the floor? or having a wrestling match?

The best idea I've heard in weeks:
Tom: You know what you should do?
M: What?
Tom: Take out a loan for your mortgage and spend all the money on vacations.
M: Vacations are way more fun than buying a house.
(Silence)
Tom: This may be an indication that I'm relatively new to the process.

Our day had other highlights as well including:
1) House with a nice foyer.
Realtor: I don't like the looks of this house.
M: Yeah, but look at these nice arches on the foyer.
(Minutes later after backing out of the house quickly).
Realtor: I'll do them a favor and throw away the electronic key.
M: Yeah, but I really like these arches.

2) House in a nice neighborhood that was a piece of crap.
M: This place has a nice big yard.
(Moments later after backing out of the house for fear of the ramshackle kitchen)
M: Look at the neighbor's yard. It has a really nice landscape.
S: Those trees look dead.
M: Yeah, but I think they're just using them as snags for the local owl population.
Realtor: It does have a nice big backyard.
M: Yeah, but it's a piece of crap house.

3) House that was too close to Georgia Avenue.

4) House that we were unable to enter.
This house was probably my favorite because we weren't able to get inside. The neighbor had a black beamer parked in the rear drive. And the fact that that had me extremely excited about the listing is probably indicative of a strongly ingrained class bias. But that class bias is probably beside the point. The real point is that the house that I haven't yet seen will always be the magical one that will end this journey through neighborhoods of DC that I'd only scene before on maps. Aside: I'm lying. I never look at maps. That's why God invented the GPS. The house is probably just as inadequate as all of the others. But I haven't seen it yet, so I'm allowed to still really be excited about it. This is probably why people who haven't had sex until their wedding night are way more excited.

Goodnight!