How much can I get for a kidney?

After a long day of deliberating, read: tears, accusations, furious phone calls to agents and lenders--just think of a really intense but incredibly boring soap opera and you'll sort of have the right idea--we decided to put in an offer on a home outside of our price range. Ergo; I did some calculations of fair market value for a kidney on the black market to try and see how I could help with the payments. Apparently you can only give them one at around 2,000, the second kidney is apparently useful if you want to remain living. I think that at least one of my eyes and uhmmmm is pretty much superfluous anyhow, and I think that those could probably help pay for closing costs.

This decision was made after a long and protracted discussion of the benefits of living in NE, "I'll be raped on the street." I probably said shouldn't have said that but in the heat of the moment you say crazy things. We contrasted this with the benefit of living in the place in the burbs with condo fees. "So you're saying all they do is cut the grass for 256.00 a month? I could do it for half that, maybe even less." Note: if the fees included a full body massage therapist or something then we could talk.

The day has been too long and stressful, so I'm going to I'm going to plagiarize from my friend Stephen Myers e-mail, which he sent me to extol the benefits of living in the NE of DC as he did.

Stephen Myers
Couldn't help but notice on the blog that you're looking in NE. As your friend and one-time resident in NE, I feel I must give you fair warning.

#1 Roommate actually stabbed himself with a used needle in backyard while pulling weeds. Sounds like an urban legend, no? This actually happened. My normally unflappable roommate was thoroughly freaked out by the incident.

#2 My vehicle was hit twice while parked. First time was someone who left a note/was fully insured. Second was when I was an occupant of the vehicle hitting my car (taxi). This unfolded in full view of one of DC's finest. Who did nothing.

#3 Roommate's vehicle was stolen and stripped in an alley several blocks from our house. Cue cigar-chomping detective surveying the scene and remarking about the "f***ing amateurs" that stole the vehicle. Apparently, the quality of car theft in NE is poor. This is also a true story.

#4 Wake up in the morning, see person sleeping soundly in your neighbor's front yard. Which is essentially your yard too, since each yard is about 10 square feet. In retrospect, could have been passed out or dead, but didn't check. Was gone in several hours, so presuming the former.

3 more of Stephen's gems to come tomorrow on the beautiful area around New York Avenue! (Barring his request that I remove all content from the blog until I pay him for it).