Andrew vs. what he thought was U.S. weekly

In my new job at the library I routinely pass by a small desk in order to exit the office. The desk is no ordinary desk though. It contains several copies of US Weekly. (For a long time I mistakenly believed the title to be U.S. Weekly, and thought the stories had a greater deal of credence than they actually do. I think that US Weekly is a precipitous step below People in terms of magazines. Though, to be honest, I know nothing about magazines except that I only get about 70 percent of the New Yorker cartoons).

Example:



On the cover of the aforementioned US Weekly's are stories about Jillian Harris' new fiance's betrayal of her on the show The Bachelorette. (I've been a long time ashamed watcher of The Bachelor and have occasionally even found time to watch the B-ette when duty hasn't called me away on Monday nights. I always have to explain to people who have downcast eyes and shaking heads when I say that I watch The Bachelor that I watch it ironically. The Bachelor is in many ways the funniest show on television because of the earnestness with which all of the relationships are treated. Apologies to lovers of Rock of Love et al, but I'm really more a fan of this faux earnestness because it allows me to feel a cynical sort of superiority, which rises above the base level superiority you feel when you watch ridiculous people behaving poorly. ((I do miss Elimidate though.)) The Bachelor allows you to watch somewhat sane and successful people have their dreams squashed. But the real kicker is that while I'm watching the show I can't help but get a little bit vested in who the guy chooses. This is his potential soul mate. It's not the sort of decision you want someone to f--k up. Unless you are a Grade A prick yourself. And I'm not even going to get into the social dynamics of what it might mean if we desire to see someone else really screw up. So while I maintain an external veneer of sardonic amusement, internally I'm really mulling over whether this guy is making the right decision. And I'm saying to S. "No way I would have sent her home. She's a winner." And I'm saying it with the same amount of seriousness that the show itself portrays).


Ergo; today I lost my long battle with US Weekly and sat down during my last ten minutes at work and skimmed the article. I say skimmed because I was afraid that other people would return to the office. Not afraid of not working, I'd completed my tasks for the day, but afraid of being caught reading US Weekly.

(Should I be afraid of being caught reading US Weekly? In short, probably. I am the sort of person who decries the lack of moral fortitude in Americans in general and our willingness to succumb to mindless entertainment in lieu of facing up to what is often a pretty bleak world that probably deserves consideration. Objectively, I'd say that I do ok. I have no idea who Kim Kardishian is, nor how to properly spell her name. I've never seen any episodes involving Real Housewives of anywhere. I think in general we're pretty masterful at avoiding thinking about a world that demands a whole hell of a lot of thought. I'm certain if you considered for a minute you could probably come up with a few. But it's also pretty damn hard to earn a paycheck, buy groceries and think really hard about things like where you food came from, what sort of culpable role do you play as a voting member of a global power like the United States who is neck deep in other countries business for better or worse (non-action in Rwanda vs. action in Iraq) and who you/me are a vital part of. Or more simply. What is the best way to spend your time? Opinions varying on this very subject throughout time and giving rise to various philosophies, religions et al. A result which often makes me feel guilty about any way that I choose to spend my time and ultimately just want to give up and watch the good old Bachelor. Which, perhaps if you're watching it in the company of friends and really discussing it, perhaps even that fits in the good).

Here's an extremely stupid philosophy cartoon that does nothing to illustrate my point:


I think it's funny because monkey's like bananas. It's unclear whether it's funny or not.

I put the issue of US Weekly back down after reading a portion of the article and slunk back to my desk. Though, to be honest, if a battle was being fought then its already been lost. I will probably watch The Bachelor if it comes on television, and I'm sure if I caught an episode of whatever show Kim is on then I'd love that too. I guess it's really a question of self-denial/what makes you happy/Pauline desire vs. knowledge of the good.

Apologies for the length of the post, but I look forward to discussing the vicissitudes of love on The Bachelor with some of you in the future. I know America hates a moralizer. Our country's motto being something along the lines of "If I'm going to f-- my life up I'd like to do it on my own terms thank you very much." Now picture and eagle with that written across its face. Majestic, isn't it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsyXRLNwOF0

A special thanks to Mike for providing a good forward that will serve up some nice epigraphs over the next couple of weeks.

"More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me."